he had an affair w/ my best friend & got busted

[cat03]

Theoden said it 100% right (you know your stuff T!)

Jtodd, dont' hold your breath hon, my H took at least, that I can pinpoint, 2mths to get over the blow of ow's break-up. It' another rejection on him, and it is a great blow on him.

When the feelings of love are absent in a marriage or are in question, what hold the M together is commitment, if in the future he wants that, you guys can do it.
My H went from telling me he had no feeligns from me, to telling me he was building feelings upon what we had and have, to telling me he loved me again (it took a year, yes, a year for him to tell me ILY again)

IT is a long hard road, but that's how it is.

I highly recommend you read " For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men", it opened my eyes.

I know the affair becomes a giant monster and everything becomes about the A, but have you thought what led to that? it takes two to tangle. How were you guys doing before the A? I never saw what I was doing to my H until my H left, so I learned a ton from my trial by fire. Sometimes it takes a hard blow to take a good hard look at ourselves.