Balto, good post from FijiOrBust I think it's easy for many people to underestimate the emotional wants and needs connected to the physical act for men (at least for the sorts of men that end up around here). It seems likely that she does not understand at all the pain you feel. From what I've read on this board, and from my own experience, it's important to help her "get it" -- a clear understanding of what's going on inside you. But, there's probably a balancing act involved. If you mention it too much in the wrong way, then she'll become less likely to ever understand. Yet, if you don't have clear-enough discussions where she can see and feel your angst, then she might not ever "get" it either. Wish I could get he (BB) to get it.
shmagic It sounds to me like she could be hearing you are no longer any good in bed. Nothing seems to turn you on the way it used to and now since the hysterectomy you are no longer a real woman as you can't orgasm.
This is how I would feel. Like I wasn't able to please you so why even try. That sounds similar to BB Shemagic. I don't know how to get past her "why try." I am even getting to the point of having my own “why try, it isn’t worth the effort.” I even had a blow up with BB yesterday.
Its a catch 22 here you want her to be able for her to let go but how you go about it is the key. By saying you want the old wife back you've reinforced that she's rubbish in bed. Shmagic, I see a jump in your post that might be your feelings but I never implied it to BB and will assume Balto never implied or said it to his W. That is “she’s rubbish in bed.” I am going to call that is you or maybe some of our W’s feelings but not my or Balto’s thoughts. You are making or borrowing trouble and injecting it into the situation.
I am not saying you are intentionally causing trouble but am suggesting you, Balto’s W, and some women take it that way (rubbish in bed) but the H doesn’t even have thoughts like that. The H misses the previously higher sex drive his W had.
When BB had her hysterectomy, I expected changes and never complained. I think I showed a lot of concern for BB’s new state. BB is the one that lost interest in sex and to validate her position and lack of desire, BB said I wanted sex 3X a day and that wasn’t something she was going to do so she was going to only be interested in a couple times a month.
I talked till I am blue in the face that I never felt like approaching her 3X a day, although 2X a week always crosses my mind.
The following is good advice Shmagic As regards the breast tenderness it is probably hormonal and she should be checked out. Dryness can be overcome with Replense and lubricants. She probably needs tons ofreassurance that you love her for who she is not just in a sexual way. She could be frightened that if she's not good enough in bed you'll leave her for someone younger.
Its good you're talking about problems but putting on all this pressure just makes it less likely she'll orgasm. TMI and FYI, last time BB had an “O” with me was 1981. She claims she doesn’t want one and doesn’t want to become hooked on them, especially ones from a man. BB does understand that sex to most men is important and will participate in sex for my benefit. (that was difficult to post)
Balto, within a couple of days I will post some things from 2 books about sex after hysterectomy and age 50/60.
