Ok guys...really appreciate all the input. I do need to get back to work here. But let me respond.
Speed...yup..sounds like unconditional love to me. I understand I don't need to get any closer that I want. And there may be times I can't emotionally be close to her. I get that. I will still do what is right for me. I don't intend to stand there with a smile on my face while my heart is breaking. If I need to step away, that is what I will do.
Kev...Not sure I agree with you. Her A was something that grew over time and was something she fought pretty hard. I was being a d!ck and she made a new friend...over years that friendship grew into something else. Could she have chosen to stop it and tell me what was going on? Of course. But I do not think it is something she deliberately went out and did. No more than I deliberately went out and acted like d!ck. And I could have chosen to stop my behavior too.
And, btw, you sound a lot like my W. Want her number!?!? HA!
Has she acknowledged her mistakes. A little bit...but not nearly enough. I think she is well aware of them however. At some point she will come to terms with them. Being a private, non confrontation person...I'm not holding my breath for a well thought out apology. I've gotten a couple of "Scott I'm sorry's" over the months...but obviously her actions deserve more than that. I've certainly owned up to mine. To the point where she told me she didn't want to hear it anymore. I would like her to do that so that I can get some closure...but I can't expect that I'll ever get that from her.
