Well hubby just called a bit ago and seems he is a demit about getting out of OHIO and wants me to really get the number of an old friend ( he used to work for and is opening a CO. here in WI again*) he said I want it today! Shheeeeeeeeeesh!
I had called for him over the weekend... and left a message.

anyway he said call his DAD if you have to. HMMMMMMMMMMM? I mentioned this over the weekend and he said not to. NOW he wants me to? ay, ay ay.... Simmer down there MR. He didnt say it mad more like desperation.

Yeah I am not trying to figure him out onward and upward.

I was looking in my work notebook that i carry around and I had written two pages on this same subject of standing up for myself and setting boundaries,,,, geez.. Old habits surely do die hard. But even though it will be a challenge to FINALLY stand up for me...

I AM GOING TO DO IT... IT TAKES 3 WEEKS TO BREAK A HABIT SO i NEED TO KEEP AT IT and then if it takes longer then maybe I wont slip back into old patterns so much. Dbing has brought me this far and I need to keep going, this wont get better on it own. Amazing how many times I have to fall down and start over this time I am going to take is slow day by day and stand up for myself and my boundaries in a kind loving strong way that I know I can.
I just need to remember it is ok and actually it is REQUIRED for me to feel Happy and Secure in my M.

I have pussyfooted around this issue like a little kitten since last fall and actually most of my M to this Man and as hard as it will seem to be for me to change my pattern with him once again I must do this and slowly but surely I shall succeed. And like OT reminded me ...
WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THIS SENDING MY KIDS?
I honestly never thought I was setting a bad example like that so .....
I can do this and I MUST! ;\)
Everyday I wake up knowing I need to do this and I need to keep it in my mind at the forefront.... no wishy washy well maybe tomorrow... LIKE in the past.
These are the ugly things I have been thru..
1. 5 years ago a DNA test to prove hubby wasnt the father of some *W*'s kid... ( that one practiaclly did me in) he wasnt...


2. A year before that he told me it was over ... I went completely dark ( never knew about DBing) and he called 3 weeks later after calling every one we knew to get a hold of me. I filed for D the day before he called me, had a job and 2000.$ saved for a new start with me and my 5 kids!

3. Then , an EA last year in the spring.... he admitted to it saying .. we would only talk about you.

4. The bomb... May 1st 2006

5. Ow discovery when I see his lovely Tattoo on Fathers day Last year. yuck....

If I can get over and thru these things I dare say I can do ANYTHING.



Thanks guys for all your support and all your kind words and 2x4S
Love you all ....
God bless.....