Kev, understood...but my anger and my behavior was also MY CHOICE. We both made poor choices.
Ian - I'm not saying that I'm going to sit here like a puppy dog. What I'm saying is that, I will not let her choices make me angry any more. I want to be detached and rise above it. If she wants to continue on with OM...that is her choice. I refuse to let that make me angry. I'm tired of being angry. She can do whatever she wants to do. Not my problem. I will still treat her with love because that is how I want to treat her.
I'm also not saying that I will stuff my true feeling down in a hole somewhere. I fully realize that I will go through times of saddness and probably anger. How could I not? I just don't want those emotions running MY life anymore. I've had enough of that. I know I have a right to be angry, I know I have a right to be sad....but I just don't want to be. I want to live my life with love and acceptance. If she needs to divorce me, I'll accept that. If she needs to run off with OM, I will accept that. I'm not going to try and control her and tell her what she is doing wrong. She is a big girl and if she makes poor choices, she will sooner or later have to face those choices. You can't run away from yourself. But I do not need to shove her nose in it. Because I know I don't need her shoving my nose in poor choices.
