You've always done horses. Fine. What new spices can we add to the mix, then?
Part of doing something new/challenging is that, not only does it help you NOT fixate on the OW, but it helps bring out untapped talents, capabilties and resources within yourself. It builds your self-esteem, power and attractiveness.
Remember -- if you return to the same routines, the same dynamics in your marriage will exist. These dynamics led to the affair.
Try to view the affair as gift. It's, as we Americans say, "A wake up call" not only for your marriage, but for your life.
I want to see you take care of yourself. Retreating and being the frightened, hurt, shamed "nice" Saffie is not really taking care of yourself. It's playing the victim.
People love to take advantage of "nice" people. I am a nice guy. I work hard, support my family, love my children, love my wife, have served as a leader in the church. Somehwere I lost my passion, my fire, my warrior spirit, and, perhaps, my manhood.
Who did my wife choose to have an affair with? A rebel. A romantic, passionate rogue -- the kind of guy who ruins young damsels in Dickens novels.
Be kind, be radiant, be different. But please, don't be nice.
