Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

So, just to journal yest. C session where I updated her on (1) H's response to my offer re: financial stress; (2) H's newly-implemented kid phone-calls to me when they are w/him (starting w/jj tourn. wkend in GA) plus his reaction to what C had discussed w/kids last wk (re kids missing me/crying); (3) Briefly, my consultation w/L; (4) The Talk H initiated recently (New: H sugg. filing for D 'together', & [in resp to some of his obvious "buddy-advice"] that he should see a L & told him that I had done so, & that I would love to rebuild a loving & respectful M w/him); and (5) H's attitude/actions since then [mostly friendly, including the "Dr." ph.call].

Obviously, I spent (again) the better part of the session TALKING. She pointed out a few things from those events, mostly discussed here (lol), and The Obvious. Whether financially-based or otherwise, H has still not been able to File. Means. . . Who knows.

Her suggestions: (1) Would it be poss. to ask H for a hug b/f a trip? -- Uh, no. How 'bout simple touches, casual or otherwise? Maybe, tho he seems to avoid being w/i a few feet of me mostly. Will try (again). (2) Do more of the same, to keep emotions under control (his mostly) and, if his spewing/anger isn't brought under control & he continues it on a more-often-than-not basis, to set a boundary. Ask him to talk in the garage (as he does w/me) & say if he cannot be civil or nice towards me or around me (leaving the kids out of it for now), then I would ask that he not be around me. He has every right to his feelings, but I have every right to find it unacceptable behavior. - Maybe. We'll see what's up when he returns next wk. (3) What would happen if I had a male-friend showing interest in me (Nomo, where you at?). She said he most likely would be angry and I actually said (to my C, lol) "No, duh. He's angry about everything." lol Anyway, then said that, since H feels the only thing that was good about our M was his trust regarding me/men, that this might give him Reason or Push to convince himself I'm (a) moving on despite what I've said; (b) done the Unfaithful thing, giving him his final Out of the M. So, we agreed it's a fine line, but will consider it. Perhaps after he's filed. . .? (She did stress to find someone who would be/will remain A FRIEND. Again, no, duh.)

Oh, I also told her about VCR-guy & the guy in grocery store who complimented me on my dress, friend A's (35-yr old) guy friend who wants to meet me. . .But I'm SO not "there" & STILL don't have my M-blinders off, & we both lol'd about that. She complimented me about my sense of self, my P.success & confidence & self-awareness. Thanks, all, here, and Michele/DB for helping me find myself again.

Gotta run & start the day. P.class, errands etc., then both kids are going to sep. sleepovers tonight so I will be by myself. Friend A said to call her & we might do something fun. Hmmm. Define "fun". . .!

Cheers for now!