Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[ItsKat]

I like all the positives you found. Sounding good, Still!

[SunnySeason]

Morning Still,

Just as I was replying to your post, I happened to look at the time & I was almost an hr late in taking S(4) to school!! Yikes!

What catch's me is this sentence; "Do we have a family physician". As in, WE & Family in the same sentence! This is a change in tone from him.

Along w/the tone & manner in the rest of the convo, it's a step towards something more positive.

Was it b/c he sees that you're not only busy, but making $$$ & taking the pressure off him? We don't know. I think it was good for him to see that tho.

At least in my case, when my H has come closer at all, it's immed. followed by a distancing behavior. Now that I know that & expect it, it's easier to let go & not take personally. I don't have to tell you that tho, I think you're the one that clued me in after all.

Have to p/u S....
Sunny

[Nomopo]

it's immed. followed by a distancing behavior.

Yep, most likely. But we all know it won't mean a d*mn thing!

[stillme]

So, just to journal yest. C session where I updated her on (1) H's response to my offer re: financial stress; (2) H's newly-implemented kid phone-calls to me when they are w/him (starting w/jj tourn. wkend in GA) plus his reaction to what C had discussed w/kids last wk (re kids missing me/crying); (3) Briefly, my consultation w/L; (4) The Talk H initiated recently (New: H sugg. filing for D 'together', & [in resp to some of his obvious "buddy-advice"] that he should see a L & told him that I had done so, & that I would love to rebuild a loving & respectful M w/him); and (5) H's attitude/actions since then [mostly friendly, including the "Dr." ph.call].

Obviously, I spent (again) the better part of the session TALKING. She pointed out a few things from those events, mostly discussed here (lol), and The Obvious. Whether financially-based or otherwise, H has still not been able to File. Means. . . Who knows.

Her suggestions: (1) Would it be poss. to ask H for a hug b/f a trip? -- Uh, no. How 'bout simple touches, casual or otherwise? Maybe, tho he seems to avoid being w/i a few feet of me mostly. Will try (again). (2) Do more of the same, to keep emotions under control (his mostly) and, if his spewing/anger isn't brought under control & he continues it on a more-often-than-not basis, to set a boundary. Ask him to talk in the garage (as he does w/me) & say if he cannot be civil or nice towards me or around me (leaving the kids out of it for now), then I would ask that he not be around me. He has every right to his feelings, but I have every right to find it unacceptable behavior. - Maybe. We'll see what's up when he returns next wk. (3) What would happen if I had a male-friend showing interest in me (Nomo, where you at?). She said he most likely would be angry and I actually said (to my C, lol) "No, duh. He's angry about everything." lol Anyway, then said that, since H feels the only thing that was good about our M was his trust regarding me/men, that this might give him Reason or Push to convince himself I'm (a) moving on despite what I've said; (b) done the Unfaithful thing, giving him his final Out of the M. So, we agreed it's a fine line, but will consider it. Perhaps after he's filed. . .? (She did stress to find someone who would be/will remain A FRIEND. Again, no, duh.)

Oh, I also told her about VCR-guy & the guy in grocery store who complimented me on my dress, friend A's (35-yr old) guy friend who wants to meet me. . .But I'm SO not "there" & STILL don't have my M-blinders off, & we both lol'd about that. She complimented me about my sense of self, my P.success & confidence & self-awareness. Thanks, all, here, and Michele/DB for helping me find myself again.

Gotta run & start the day. P.class, errands etc., then both kids are going to sep. sleepovers tonight so I will be by myself. Friend A said to call her & we might do something fun. Hmmm. Define "fun". . .!

Cheers for now!

[SuperDad]

Stillme,
I think the C is learning from you now! I sometimes feel the same way with my C.

RE: Dating/having companionship of the opposite sex. This is obviously a double edged sword. As interesting as it might be to see our S's response to this, I agree with you that it would be a bad idea to do it just for this reason. When/if you are REALLY ready to move on, then go for it. If this causes your H to realize what he is losing, you can decide then if you want to give him another chance. On the other hand, if he does not care, then you can move on.

BTW, Nomo and I are going to have some sort of competition this evening to decide who will court you first!

SD

[stillme]

oooo, I LOVE that word "court"!

[Nomopo]

Uh, I am here, dying a slow, painful, tortured death. How bout I send some flowers your way. For H to see, of course.

Thanks for journaling. Good session.

As interesting as it might be to see our S's response to this, I agree with you that it would be a bad idea to do it just for this reason.

It also wouldn't be fair to all us other guys! There are enough broken hearts in the world right now.

BTW, Nomo and I are going to have some sort of competition this evening to decide who will court you first!

And as for competing for still's affections, aren't we pretty much doing that all the time anyway? But if you had somne specific event in mind (jousting?), I might not be able to muster my best effort today. I almost threw up going to get my laptop.

Nomo

[about2bdvorced]

If I'm not mistaken, I think I asked Ms. Still out first, boys.

[Nomopo]

Hellooo????

[stillme]

OMG, you guys are making me ! (But don't ask me how many times I've re-read the last few posts. - More ) Y'all are def. good for my PMA & Ego.

Nomo, sorry to hear about your run-in w/the Devil (Drink). LOL. Not as fun as it used to be, huh? You made me LOL about not being able to even get your laptop (a 21st century Weapon?) much less sit a horse & joust. Thanks for the thought, tho.

I'm def. gonna run around to y'all's threads today & try to catch up/see what's going on - and maybe make a dent in welcoming some of the loads of new posters (overwhelmed, anyone?).

S is coming back from his sleepover in an hr. so I gotta make myself presentable (just in case) for the mom/dad.

Somehow, tho it's not supposed to have any side-effects since it's just replacing what my body is not producing, the thyroid med is making my stomach wonky (esp in the morn.) and my sleep is crazy off again. (Plus weird dreams about H, which I haven't had in a long time. Last night he had me sit on his lap - as we used to do all the time eary-R - and wanted to talk positively about our R, and I kept saying "No R talk! No R talk!". Dang weird psyche, huh.)

So, I'll be back in a bit.
TTFN.