I thought after the appt we had a chance. She seemed open to given it another try. We rode in the same car. On the way home nothing was said. When we got home i left her to her thoughts. About two hours after getting home she called me into the bedroom and told she didn't want to do this anymore. It's over. I said nothing. I just shook my head in an okay manner and left the room. She came out shortly after that and asked if she could use my computer to look for a job. Again I said nothing.
I don't think I can say anything to her without seeming like I am begging her to stay. She knows I want her to stay. i can't say it anymore. She told me we have to figure out a way to coexist since she can't move out yet. I don't know how to do that. Any help would be appreciated.
The hard thing about this is she had plenty of times before when I was wrong to leave. Now that I have been doing the right things and believing she was seeing them she wants to end the marriage. I know better than to ask why, but it doesn't make any sense.
Wel, I remember reading that physical separation is actually the road to D, so maybe you can work on this alone while you are still underthe same roof. I also remember how counseling can also be damaging to DBing.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
While she wanted to be here, she couldn't see the changes. Now that she is ready to leave, she will not be giving me the attention to see the changes. She has given up. She has given up on me. It's not justified but she has. And truthfully, I am tired of hurting her. Even when I feel I do it all the right way she ends up getting hurt by something out of my control. I can't fight that.
I can continue to make myself better, but as I have said before, I made changes in myself for her. That may not be right, but it's the truth.
It's good that you saw why you made the changes, and they were for her. Now make these changes for you and only you. Let's say that she leaves and can't see your changes. Now you are stuck with you to reflect on what went wrong. Look in the mirror and decide what you need to work on for you, how can you become a better man for you? Get a haircut, buy new clothes and start with something that's noticeable on the outside. Start a new hobby like, bike riding or something like that. Then work on yourself from the inside and make those changes stick for you.
My WAW still notice my changes and she's doesn't like that it took her leaving for me to change! But I was never a bad guy and she's still pissed after 9 months of being gone. I think that she understand that it's her loss, she got the D ball rolling and it's too late now.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
She has contacted two divorce layers today. I am again reading DR. I'm scared. I'm tired. It just doesn't seem right. How do I do this without begging? i feel the need to plead my case. I don't want to go dark, but she keeps asking me for stuff. I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't want her to think I am giving up. Fine line.
And then the kids. I need them to see me as a strong father, but every time I think about what is happening, I break down. S 5 is wondering what is wrong. D 7 knows what is wrong. She was trying to get us to hold hands in church Sunday. My wife did for a minute and then pulled away. This was before the fathers day phone call.
She has contacted two divorce layers today. I am again reading DR. I'm scared. I'm tired. It just doesn't seem right. How do I do this without begging? i feel the need to plead my case. I don't want to go dark, but she keeps asking me for stuff. I don't want to be a doormat, but I don't want her to think I am giving up. Fine line.
And then the kids. I need them to see me as a strong father, but every time I think about what is happening, I break down. S 5 is wondering what is wrong. D 7 knows what is wrong. She was trying to get us to hold hands in church Sunday. My wife did for a minute and then pulled away. This was before the fathers day phone call.
This is a mistake.
I know this is tough and a tough time for you but you have to be strong! What woman want to be with a man that can't keep it together? Or a whiney man? She seems to be all over the place and you have to show her that you are a rock. I know it's hard but stay strong and don't let her shake your composure.
PM me your email add, I want to sent you a PDF of Homer McDonald's book, "Stop Your Divorce". He use some good tactics that you can use now that might help you.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
When I tried to PM you, it said you were over the limit.
i am trying to be strong. I am tired of making the same mistakes that lead to this. I am tired of hurting her. We both have our faults, but she deserves to be happy. I can't seem to do that. She currently cannot and will not be happy with me. i will continue to build myself, but let her build her self also. And if she needs to be away from me to do that, then so be it. now give me a couple of minutes, and I know I will reverse that, but it seems all I can do right now is let her go.
I have read DR over again and remember some of the steps that I put forward last time. It is harder this time because I keep having relapses of the same things that caused her to leave last time. Dishonesty. Although there were no EA's or PA's, there were "checking up on you" phone calls. I was scared to tell her becuase it would have lead to where we are right now. Deceit has killed my marriage and the changes i have been making are not sticking. I have had relapses.
It's ok we all go through that, to make personal change in our lives takes a lot of work. Anything you want in life you have to work hard for it, change doesn't come easy. I'm a perfect example of making personal changes and believe me it took a lot of work.
Don't beat yourself up about making her happy, happiness is a momentary delusion that society deceived people into believing. That if she/he’s not making you happy, find someone who will. Or if you don’t live in a certain house, drive a certain kind of car or wear certain kind of clothes don’t worry some will give it to you. But the problem with that is she will never deal with what’s wrong with her inside!
Happiness does not come from people, places, and things but from within! All these things at some point will go away and then what are you left with? Unhappiness all over again and that’s why happiness cannot depend on circumstances. Circumstances always change!
If she’s not happy with you, most likely she won’t be happy with anyone else. She fell for the lie of what the world calls happiness, hook line and sinker.
work gnorton@pateeng.com
home chip_norton@yahoo.com
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
She's trying to deal with what is going on inside her. She goes to therapy once a week. She seemed to be getting better. She told me I needed counseling for my problem. I agreed. I know I need to talk to someone. But I had been doing better.
We had a twenty minute talk last night. Well, I talked she listened. Then five minutes after that, she asked me if I was going to try and take the kids from her. She said after our talk she thought I was okay and she could ask me that. I told her I haven't thought about it.
