I think what you have asked before and are still unsure of is can a marriage survive happily with no sex. The answer is yes of course it can survive if both partners are content with all the other aspects of their lives. From what you've described neither you or your wife are happy with no sex life. If she was happy she wouldn't have had an EA. If you were happy you wouldn't be here asking the question you would just be enjoying your life.
So in a way you've answered the question yourself. Honestly if you've been rebuilding the intimacy and your wife is kissing you passionately and you have fun together you need to tell her you are not prepared to stay in a sexless marriage for the sake of the kids even if thats what you would be prepared to do.
When my H's 1st A ended I told him under no cicumstances did I want him to stay with me because of the children as they grow up and leave I wanted him to stay because he wanted me. Have to say our sex life was brilliant for quite along time till he got the hang ups over the teenagers hearing and it is a bit off putting when you start ML and your 16 year old is walking around outside the room. Hard to make time but weekends away help there.
Do not stay because of children believe it or not I've seen adult children way more devastated when parents of 25 or 30 years divorce. I guess because they saw their parents marriage as the benchmark of success and it really hurts them more in many ways.
If your wife is reading the SSM book it should help her see that life can be better for both of you and I wouldn't really worry too much about how much is enough. I had plans on minimum of once a week but now my H has a painful leg and foot so got to shelf that to zero till its better.
A.C. don't let this continue forever set a time limit or something and TALK properly to your wife and LISTEN as well after she's read the book. If it helps some of the situations on here might help her understand more so print them out and show her. Chocs thread would be a good one and cadesmom.
