Had a good night. A guy friend invited me to a concert (Xavier Rudd) at First Ave. in Minneapolis. I had a good time and appreciated the fact that I didn't have to spend any money because it was on him tonight. It was a good way to spend the time.
Dates sticking in my head today (and maybe part of why I'm grieving even more). It has been a year today when I first found out about my husband's affair and exactly one week later found out about my pregnancy. Need to get over those dates but they do stick out. Thought today a lot about the positives that have happened in the year, there are many, but I am also mourning my marriage in a sense. Not really because divorce has been mentioned and will probably occur, but because seeing my husband this week, really shook me. I used to see glimpses of the guy I married, and now I don't really even see that. I don't like him right now. He just doesn't seem like a nice man. It's a strange feeling to have. Kind of the opposite I guess of how he feels for me, he claims not to love me but think I'm great, whereas I have this unconditional love and concern for him, but don't like who he is. I am truly concerned about him and I feel really helpless knowing I can't help him or even talk to him about it since I have no influence in his life.
Anyway, back to me. Got a good compliment tonight. My guy friend and I were talking about dating and he was pointing out how I won't have any problems meeting men because I talk to everyone and anyone and make them feel like I am their best friend right away because I kind of just put it all out there. He was just saying how that will make men feel like I'm really interested in them. I guess that is good in a way, although I'm already finding that it is a negative too because men take my attentions the wrong way when I'm just being me and friendly. Like my friend said tonight though, that's their problem not mine, and if they ask me out, I'll just be honest regarding my intentions, and that is that. I like that.... I need to practice the whole, be me attitude and not worry about how it affects others attitude far more.
Okay rambling... I have been in a club for the last 4 hours with no air condition, beer drinking, and have probably lost 10 pounds from heat exhaustion. Heading to bed.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
