When I have been in the place you are, and I'm pretty sure most of us have been at one time or another, do something to distract yourself until it passes, b/c it will, trust me.
I had one of the same waves hit on Friday night. I didn't imagine I would surface on the other side. I did though, & you will too. Know that. Think of it as a set of waves, one coming right after another holding you down. There is always a period afterwards, in between, to catch your breath.
Everything will be OK. You will be OK. Your kids will be OK. Things are very very hard right now. But they will get easier. Things for everyone will get better. I promise, it will be OK.
I hope you are calling your counselor. I thought that was a great idea and she seems like a really wonderful counselor and person.
Oh Donna I'm sorry you're having such a tough night.
If I can squeeze in next to Oldtimer and Sunny for a minute... ((((Donna)))
I wanted to share something with you that I got from here on a day when I just felt empty. It's a collection of quotes - but it is now posted on my fridge, and I read it almost daily. It reminds me to feel love from EVERYWHERE, from the entire world, not just from that one place I was so used to looking for it. I can't claim credit for any of the original quotes, and have no idea where they came from, but they meant a lot to me. I hope they do to you, too.
- May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.
- May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage, and optimism.
- Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.
- May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.
- May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.
- Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.
- Teach love to those who know hate. Let that love embrace you as you go into the world.
- May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you.
- Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you.
- Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.
- May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
- May you find enough innter strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgments of your accomplishments.
- And last but not least: "May you always be loved."
And you ARE loved, Donna - by your family, your friends, by many of us here. By your kids, too.
(((Donna)))
I am so sorry. I know this hurts.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
.. to let those watching know, I have Donna's email address and have asked her to come on here if we can support her in any way (if she's still online).
Donna - we're thinking of you, we care. I hope you're doing ok.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
((((Donna)))) hope you're doing alright, we're all here for you and are/have been/will be going thru all kinds of similar stuff and you've been there for us, let us be here for you.
Thank you all, so, so much. It got to the point where I just didn't know what to do with myself last night; pacing, agitated, even the crying was strange. It kind of reminded me of my initial reaction to hearing about my Dad's sudden death...but felt even more intense, and I had no one to hold onto (where in Dad's case, there was a room full of people to cling to, including H and my Mom).
So, I tried to see if my in-laws were up. Nope. I didn't want to wake the kids (I will NOT use them to comfort me when I am like this--WAY too scary!).
I ended up downstairs. H was asleep on his make-shift bed on the floor. I curled up on the couch near him and fell asleep.
Sometime in the overnight, my S came down and said he was hearing some strange noise in his room. Half-asleep, I went up and tucked him back into bed, then went to my own bed. I just got up.
I was really afraid that I was having a nervous breakdown last night. And afraid to share that with H or in-laws...afraid that if I was, that it could impact custody...started having that feeling that the kids could be taken from me, which made me even more upset (for lack of a better word).
But I'm together today. Woke up thinking that I may go along with H's idea. Boundaries, for sure. But what is really important to me?
Keeping the family together. Even through all of this mess, we are very good parents. The kids are not exposed to arguing, violence or yelling. I think my acceptance will lower the tensions between us. We can keep the financial stability that we worked so hard to achieve and have only felt for the last few years.
More importantly, we can work on our communication skills. It is something that we obviously have to do if we are to remain in the same house, committed to the family (if not to each other). And, who knows? Maybe we will be working on a new R/M that way. I know that we have a deep friendship. I really don't want to loose him from my life.
I guess I feel...addicted? to him. I sincerely cannot think of what life would be like without him. I don't know if I could live without him (so many songs sing that so flippantly; but the way I felt last night was so intense, so painful...)
I need him. I am not as strong as I thought. It's not a proud moment to admit this. But he still cares for me. He would be there to hold me when I needed that. I could still touch him, if not sexually. We would be able to take care of each other and raise our children. And, if we learn anything through all of this, maybe love will grow again.
It could be that this is what is needed for him to make the idea his own. Give him time to heal his heart, learn to trust again.
And it can give me more time to adjust to a world so different than the one I knew for so long. Going cold turkey...I was wishing for a coma last night.
I'm not doing anything about this right away (48 hour rule). But I don't know if I could make it through another of those things like last night. I know you were all here for me in those dark hours, but there was no one to hold me. I seem to really, really need that.
I don't know how single people live. Being alone...I don't think I can be alone.
I know that staying in a R where he doesn't love me is not much better (maybe it is even worse? I don't know).
I'm so glad you are feeling better. Are you going to contact C? I really hope you do -- it would be great to get some support and it is so important for you to take care of yourself right now.
Also, write a list of people you could have called last night. Next time, call them.
I read this in an Oprah magazine or something -- "Need someone because you love them, don't love them because you need them."
Work on getting happy with yourself as an independent person. Become whole. This is important no matter what happens.
