Things are just the same as usual. Cannot figure out her for the life of me. I thought things were going along pretty good but I get home last night and see that she is not wearing her ring as it was left on the counter... again. In the past, I would have confronted her about that when she got home after work, but I am trying to work on my 180s so I did not even mention it. I wonder if she even cares that it is so hurtful. Also, she used to write a lot (especially when her father left her mother for another woman about 6 years ago) when she was feeling down and I saw that she wrote a long letter, and no I was not snooping, it was laying on the floor on her side of the bed in plain sight... which makes me wonder if she left it there for me to read, basically saying that she needs to get away and she doesn't understand what she is feeling now but thinks deep down in her heart that she has to leave me. She is worried that she is making a mistake but truly feels that it is the only way that she is going to be happy. She says that I don't take her unhappiness seriously... I cannot even fathom how she can say that. I have completely quit drinking (2 1/2 months and it not not hard for me because I don't have an issue with drinking but I wanted to address and validate her concerns) and don't contact her at all on the phone-two of the things she said that bothered her so much the past several months. She says that maybe after a couple of months of separation she will miss me and decide that being with me is what she is supposed to do, but I don't think that a separation is going to help us. And like I said before, I am afraid that she is going to use the separation as a means to forget about our marriage since she is already doing so by not wearing her ring.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that she is doing some things to try and force me into telling her that I can't take it anymore and that she has to leave. For instance, today, we don't get to see eachother during the week, so we typically use my lunch time to spend some time together. Today, she calls me right before I would typically be on my way home for lunch and tells me that she is going to pick up male coworker so that they can have lunch together. This is the same male coworker that she is going to spend the next 9 hours with at the Hospital. But typically in the past, I would have said something about that time being needed to be spent together... you are going to be spending the whole night with this guy... etc... But once again practicing my 180 I simply said okay sounds good, hope you have fun. It took almost all I could muster after the day I had yesterday to not blow up at her, but I don't want to have to make up for another backslide so I let it slide. She also tells me that she joined a gym so that she can work out after work-mind you she gets off work at midnight- and she is joining under the same male co-worker's membership that she went to lunch with today. Now she won't be getting home nightly until after 2:00am.
It pains me so much that she has become so manipulative, sneaky and hurtful. Do you think that she is doing all this stuff on purpose to try and "break" me? I never would have thought that she would be so thoughtless when it comes to my emotions.
