You were responsible for the deterioration of your marriage. You have admitted over and over the mistakes that you made in your relationship. There is only so much ownership that you can take though.
Reality is this took two people to destroy. There is no stronger vow than marriage, you BOTH broke that vow by not honoring, cherishing, and loving one another the way that you should have.
Here's some facts:
1. Scott was an angry man. He yelled, screamed, got angry, punched walls, etc.....
2. Scott did not focus enough on his marriage, he thought it would all just work out so he didnt put in the neccesary efforts that he now knows he should have.
3. Scott was inattentive to his wife, he blamed it on her coldness and not being there for him.
4. Scott took his kids for granted and was not a great dad.
5. Last but not least, Scott wiated to long to address the issues contained in his bad marriage.
All 5 of these items are one's that you have admitted to all along and worked very hard to improve. Is it to late for your changes to affect your marriage? You are going to hate this answer, but Yes, it is because your wife has made it apparent that she cannot find love for you in her heart again. She has continued to see this other man, and probably still is.
Did these 5 things destroy your marriage, yes, but so did some other things. Best I can figure these things did as well.
1. Wife didnt talk to you and be open about her needs.
2. Wife did not focus enough on her marriage, she thought it would all just work out so she didnt put in the neccesary efforts that she now knows she should have. (sound familiar)
3. Wife was not a good mother to her kids. She did not stand up early on and do what was right for them, her, and you.
4. Wife strayed from her marriage, began a relationship with an unethical fireman while she was still betrothed to you. (any way you slice this, it's just wrong)
5. Wife did not give you what you needed, even though you were an as$, she still gave up.
So I wonder if she has admitted to these issues that she needs to own or not. I am sure that she is focusing on all that YOU did wrong, but reality is at some point she will have to take some ownership of what SHE did wrong as well.
So now what my friend, reality says that your marriage is over. She is getting mediation, your house is sold, and y'all are moving away from each other. So what happens now. Well, Scott keeps working on himself, let's go of his mistakes, realizes that the next woman in his life will reap the rewards of his failed marriage and all that he has learned.
Hopefully your wife will do the same, the only issue I see there is that she has one thing to deal with that you don't, infidelity. That is a hard one to overcome because bottom line is that she strayed, she went to the arms of another man, she dishonored her commitment. Hold your head up high my friend in at the very least, the knowledge that you can look yourself in the eye and know that your morals in that arena of yoru marriage are intact. She will never, get that word, NEVER ever again be able to say she was faithful and moral during her marriage, and yes, even if they were just friends, they kissed, held hands, slept together, immoral.
The fact that it continues and she couldnt even finish things with you and get that divorce, speaks volumes for her moral fiber here at theh end of your marriage. Sorry, but I have very strong feelings about this and it is disrespectful, especially when they sit there and judge you and your behavior in the past while they are acting this way and doing these things. It is judgmental and self serving to justify their own piss poor decisions.
So what is the bottom line? It's one you already know buddy, your marriage dissolution is a result of TWO peoples actions. Take on your mistakes, but also remember to acknowledge hers as well. Odds are when she talks to her friends about this, it is all about you and her ownership is never discussed. At least that is how it is withh my wife an dmost of the other wives on these boards, pitiful. This my friend is why friendship after marriage is so damn hard, because you know, and will learn as it ends, that she blames you....and only you. Hopefully she will take her ownership someday so that y'all can at least have a working relationship with the kids.
You hang in there my friend, the greatest gift you have right now is the knowledge that you will be ok without her and you have done the most important thing here, you have learned from your errors how to be a better partner in the future. Some woman will be very happy because of all this misfortune. Just to damn bad your wife doesnt wake the fuckk up and realize it could have been her that reaped the rewards, oh well.
I am here if you need me buddy, at least until I leave for Scotland Friday.
