One link at a time

[BeingMe]

Some thoughts, and journalling ....

I have been feeling somewhat detached since H left on Tuesday morning. I spoke to him the night before, again, about where I feel I am at in our R (he spent half the weekend working, after being away for 2 weeks ... that is not okay with me). I know, not very good DB'ing, but as some of you may know, I'm not really DB'ing, I am past it. I am happy with myself, I have done all I can do, and the only thing now, is for my H to do his part, before I leave. I have given him fair warning (more than he gave me before having the EA) several times. I can't help, but think he is just hoping I will be around when he has the time and motivation to bother working on himself, and this M. 'Eh, his problem now.

I know he is feeling overwhelmed, but that has been the case for years now. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him that he needs to get his priorities in order. I am not going to wait for him to be less overwhelmed in order to voice what I am needing in this R. I could be waiting until he's on his deathbed, or mine. Okay, dark humour there, but you get my drift. I know that he feels he is working like this for our family, and I appreciate it, but he needs to find a way to balance his time between us, and work. He will feel more empowered, and less overwhelmed if he set boundaries on when he is at home, and not still working (people phoning all the time, and constantly on the computer). I still find it amazing at how he would be so busy with work, but still had the time to talk to the OW for hours on the phone. When I think of that, I feel like a freaking booby prize, and not worth the bother. (Although, I know that I am worth far more than the scraps he's dishing out.)

I am at the point now, that I feel if he wants this M, then he better start letting me see it. Still working on my PowerPoint presentation. Maybe that will work in getting through to him.

Okay, vent over.

Today, I am grateful for the area we live .... it's so beautiful here, and I was so content while taking the dog for a walk a little earlier. Sun was shining, birds were singing, gentle breeze blowing in the trees, flowers blooming .... it was almost too cliche!