searching patience with H / finding myself #9

[NikB]

Does he need to hear, Yes, Dear, more often?

DOES he? No... as Oldtimer said, stop fixing what isn't there.

DID he? Maybe... does it matter NOW? No.

How do I show him that willingness to work on this through actions alone?

You don't.

I have to just leave it all where it lies right now, don't I? God, that is a scary thought...not because I want to control him, but I want control over myself and my future.

I know - boy do I know, I realized it when H left and I realize it now that we may or may not successfully reconcile. It's scary, but it's your new reality. If controlling yourself and your future involves your H being in it no matter what - then yes, you ARE trying to control him. I know it sounds so weird and wrong since you thought you were in it together, forever.. but it's how things are now.

I am listening when you all say that my future does not rest in H's hands, but the future I WANTED and DREAMED of does.

I recommend that you write down all the good and bad about it, and give yourself some time to mourn for your "dream future." Then work on dreaming up a whole new one.