wecome to my nightmare 2

[Dr LOve]

everyone & anyone


I think I missed an opportunity last night. The W was sitting in the other room watching her soaps (like we don’t have enough drama). Any who I had to ask her what Time I was supposed to pick up our son on Tuesday. So I walked in and asked her how she was feeling. She said “OK” I said “Just OK” She said “yea” I asked what time to pick our son up. She told me about 3:30. She then asked me how my day at work went being that I was gone for a week. Asked if everything was screw up. I told her not more than usual. But it was a good day at work. (Here is where I think I blew it) I asked her how her day went. She said she and her coworker (This co-worker is a female friend that she has known for years. The vacationed together before we were married) anyway she said her and “L” were having “mood problems” I asked what you mean. She said “L” is dealing with a lot of stuff and I am dealing with a lot of stuff and we both are moody. Well I left it at that and said “that’s to bad” and I left the room.
Question….

I feel I should have asked her if she wanted to talk about it. I don’t know why I didn’t think if it at the time except I have been trying to give her space and don’t ask her anything.

Should I write her a note telling her that?


“I sorry I felt like you needed someone to talk to the other night I was not there. Please If you every need to talk about anything. I am here I am just trying to give you space.



Is this detaching?

[Dr LOve]

Ok
This is weird and many of you may not understand why I did this but here it goes.

I found out about my W affair one day when our computer said it was out of memory. So I checked the ghost file that saves everything to see what could be deleted. That’s when I found the pictures of my wife posing nude at our time share and the next picture was of her and the OM both naked taken in the mirror. (Of all the stupid things to leave evidence).
Any who I went into shock and my wife came running into find out what was wrong. I told her I seen the pictures and she said “I didn’t want you to find out this way”. Like what is the right way? Anyway I left the house and was driving around all night. When I got home I went back in the file and printed the pictures and burned a disc.
The reason I did this is because like a lot of people here the WAS is trying to make the LBS look bad. Like it was their fault. So this is my card in the hole incase things don’t work out. I HAVE PROFF.

Now lets speed up to the present. I got back this weekend for my trip with my son. Today for some reason I went into my shop and open a cabinet that the printed pictures were in and they are GONE. I do not remember moving them but I am old so I could have had a senior moment.

She would have had to search for hours to find them.This is not a place she usaly goes.

Do you think she looked for them?
Does this mean that she is still with the OM?
Or does she just want to get ride of the evidence because she feels guilty.
or did I just lose them.

I did not snoop. But it is going to be hard to keep a PMA tonight.
By the way I printed them again and put them back.

Husband

[andyv]

Hi Husband,

Firstly, you can still hold the "moral" cards. Spending time with female friends doesn't mean anything. I have female friends that will never eventuate into anything more than friends.

And as far as dating, I have started to "date", but it doesn't mean that I will be getting into a relationship or getting into a "romp" with any of them. It is nice to get that confidence back and it makes me feel good to get out with someone other than my workmates and male friends.

Regarding your letter to your W, I don't know if I would do it. I think you handled yourself well, and the emotions that are going through your W at the moment are for her to deal with (moods). Just stay lovingly detached, and give her the space to deal with these moods.

Next time she brings it up, just let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk about anything, and then leave it at that. If she wants to, she will talk to you. Remember, slowly slowly catch the monkey.................

[Dr LOve]

Thanks andyv.
I posted agian after you responneded. I am going to distroy the secondset I printed up and put the disk in a safe place. As for talking to my W. I will wait and if it happens agian I will tell her if she needs someone to talk to I,m here. and leave it at that.

Ya never know what is around the corner do you?

P.S I AM GOING OUT ON FRIDAY

the more I think about it I HAD TO MISPLACE THEM. It's not going to be like finding thet $20.00 bill ya lost awhile back.

Husband

[andyv]

Good idea Husband,

Keep them on the disc, and do not re-print. Who knows, maybe your W did find them and destroyed them for her own reasons. Maybe she is trying to forget about the whole thing, you just don't know.

Also, if she does check again, and sees the re-prints, I can only imagine how your sitch will nosedive. It is a hassle you just don't need right now.

Good news that you are going out, it will get easier for you. I remember when I started to go out early on in my GALing, all I could think about was W and my family. But it does get easier my friend, so force yourself to enjoy.

[Dr LOve]

thanks Andyv
Get to work. I will be going to bed soon. My work day starts in 8 hours. about the time you get off work.
I'm just going to keep the PMA. I don't know if she got the picks or not. She is late comming home today which means she went to see her C. (every tuesday). Unless of corse she comes home with shopping bags then she skipped it.

later
Husband

[andyv]

Husband,

Also, do not tell her anything about who you are going out with (other than friends), or try not to disclose too much about the night the next day. Just make sure that your PMA is on a high on Saturday morning.

The less she knows the better.

[Dr LOve]

Andyv

I AM going to force myself to get out Friday. I may just go to this little jazz club that has an upstairs balcony. People usually just go up there to talk. It has a railing so you can see and hear the band. I may hide a book in my jacket and sit in the corner and read while listening to the music.
Or after a few Corona's I may go across the street to a bar that has the pool table. Met some people there a few weeks ago they may remember me.

Also I may sleep in the camper that night so I will seem to have been out all night.

Oh ya speaking about pool tonight my son and I are going to leave before the W gets home. We are going to the Pool hall and have some hot dogs and I'm going to teach him how to play pool.

I'm not having a good day. A little depressed I know Keep a PMA when I am around the W but like I said my sitch is different than most of yours. Mine My W is pleasant to be around. She does get her jabs in but for the most part we are as she put it "Room Mates",No talk of D that is why I am having trouble. For my son's sake and keeping the family together being room mates is fine. But I also need a companion. So I have a hard time pushing for the relationship because it may ruin the "room mate" status that is keeping my son free from a Divorce.
Sorry my mind is just working overtime.
One more thing, my daughter gave me a gift certificate for fathers day. I went and bought a watch. Now this might not seen special to any of you but I have never spent over $20.00 for a watch. I always save my money for the family. Well I used the certificate and used the credit card to buy me a $100.00 watch.

With the W wanting to pay off bills with my son’s and my vacation and some other things I have gotten I have spent about $2000.00 in the last week.
And the W has said NOTHING about it.

I rambled on long enough I catch ya when you wake up dude

Husband

[andyv]

Good to hear.

If you get the opportunity, try ASAHI beer (Japanese). It has the best after taste of any beer I have tried.

Regarding your PMA around your W, don't worry, it will get easier with time. You have to trust me on that one.

But just stay committed to the approach you are taking. Regardless of what W may or may not say, or do, you have to continue this "as if" approach, and maintain your detaching and GALing.

You saw her reaction when you told her you were going out. That was great to see that she still has feelings for you. My W has shown no emotion to anything I have done, especially over the last few months (or she hides it well).

Early on, she did, but due to my incorrect approach to things, that emotion slowly died. You on the other hand are in a prime position to do the things I wish I had done earlier.

[Dr LOve]

Everyone

My wedding anniversary is coming up next month (14th).
Should I get a present for the W?
Should I take her out to dinner?

Any suggestions?

Husband