OK, so I stick with the schedule for now. The weekend is different, anyway, because we are both home. We didn't get into that too much; I had initially said maybe we could take turns taking the kids away somewhere, like camping or visiting...I guess that I will leave that in his ball park.
Does he need to hear, Yes, Dear, more often? That always seemed like head games to me--people who do that just find another way to get what they want. I would rather talk it through and come to a compromise. Sounds like something we would have to learn about, since the dynamic hasn't even been that way (apparently).
How do I show him that willingness to work on this through actions alone?
I have to just leave it all where it lies right now, don't I? God, that is a scary thought...not because I want to control him, but I want control over myself and my future.
I am listening when you all say that my future does not rest in H's hands, but the future I WANTED and DREAMED of does.
It made me feel better to get the financials in order. Maybe I have to plan on paper what this alternative future might look like to ease some of the panic... Like I said, I went through death scenarios, but never D ones. I feel so lost.
I think of that song, Jesus Take the Wheel, I'm Letting Go...and I am spinning around in an empty room, looking for someone to take the wheel, to help. This is part of the codependency thing, too, I think. I have never had to do anything entirely on my own (except labor).
I thought that was what spouses were supposed to do for each other, be partners through this life. I thought that was what I was doing...so much of my reality was not his experience of it. There were two truths here.
