Sorry forgot to mention this, which is important to me in my decision...Last time I saw my W (7 weeks ago) She told me she had no intentions toward this house & that she was happy for me to take the house under my sole possesion. I have seen no reason to think otherwise but it's a concern that i believe is important & in by best intrests. At the moment i can't finance the legal move towards the deeds to the house being changed, I just do not have the money.
This is what is swinging me towards calling her & asking her to choose a location where we can meet & talk.
I guess sometimes our minds in situations like this just get clouded & not seem so clear.
Of course the house is a concern of mine as I have nowhere else to go if she changes her mind or I should say if others change her mind for her. The current houseing market here in the UK is to say the least, unbelievable. I have made enquires to how much I could either, a: Borrow to pay my W what she would indeed want as her share, & no one will give me that kind of money
OR
B: I have looked at how much I could borrow to purchase a very small house in a very bad part of town..& again no one will lend that kind of money.
So it kinda leaves me with the prospects of renting some crappy shed like house & pay more than I can afford for it.
**IF** it goes down...or if my sitch went down like that...and I could not afford to keep the house, I would probably plan on renting an apt until I got settled. I would not want to jump immediately into another mortgage, at least for a while until things settled.
Plan for that, but in the mean time...
detatch act like all is well leave her alone take care of yourself take your mind off the stitch (easier said than done!) ..and wait, wait, wait.
I'd let her call you, but i wasn't clear on why you thought calling her would help you keep the house. Is it that you could solidify/codify thru divorce her statement she'd give it to you or let it go?
I'd probably still let her call. Isn't saving the M more important that staying in the house?
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I'd let her call you, but i wasn't clear on why you thought calling her would help you keep the house. Is it that you could solidify/codify thru divorce her statement she'd give it to you or let it go?
I'd probably still let her call. Isn't saving the M more important that staying in the house?
Yes mate the M is far more important than the house. But, in this part of the UK it's does'nt work out so easy as just going out & renting some place. "IF" you can manage to find somewhere, it's normally very expensive & a very very long waiting list & also more than what most can afford to pay anyway.
Yes, talking to her would have brought the topic up of, does she still feel the same way about the house, I know people change their views on matters when it appears that the dust has settled.
I have decided to to let her call me though, I guess yesterday was one of those days when things are'nt quite so clear.
Well I got a call from W today about the D, the call was, as always, friendly & with out problem... I will run this by you guys & see what you make of it...
Call go's something like this...
W...I have not had time to come & chat about...you know Me...Ok, come chat when you have time, it's up to you I don't mind, just call me before you come W... Ok......But I wanted to know what you think about it Me....I don't think talking on the phone is the way go, I would prefer to talk face to face. W...Ok..I will try to get to you one day next week Me...Sure no problem, thats ok. W..But are you ok with it? Me...This is your choice, I will not stand in your way of.... W...I know but there is'nt any point in letting this go on is there? Me...Like I have said this is your choice & I will not stand in your way...I would prefer to talk about this in person. W...I know, but it has to be you that files for devorce... Me...Why is that? W...erm..because it was me that left. Me...ok, lets talk about this when I see you ok? W...Yeah, ok Me...ok talk to you then...bye
So, i'm a little confused here & thrown slightly off my plan of letting her do the dirty work, so to speak...I'm not sure why she would want me to be the one to file, I have to say I was expecting a letter from her lawyer saying she had done so or to that effect. Maybe it's me, but why does this crap seem to be so wierd.
Of course i'm going to wait & see if she does come over to chat & I will look into info on how I should go about fileing, just so I know what i'm talking about.
I'd say that went pretty well and you handled it well. Hidsight is 20/20, so keeping that in mind, a few comments:
Originally Posted By: strange
the call was, as always, friendly & with out problem
Good, even if it is always like that
Originally Posted By: strange
W... Ok......But I wanted to know what you think about it
Me....I don't think talking on the phone is the way go, I would prefer to talk face to face.
Nice. You are skilled my friend.
Originally Posted By: strange
W...Ok..I will try to get to you one day next week
Wow, sounds urgent! Not!
Originally Posted By: strange
W..But are you ok with it? Me...This is your choice, I will not stand in your way of....
Well done.
Originally Posted By: strange
W...I know but there is'nt any point in letting this go on is there?
I gotta tell you, that sounds like some doubt in my mind. Smallest, tiniest positive step, maybe.
Originally Posted By: strange
Me...Like I have said this is your choice & I will not stand in your way...I would prefer to talk about this in person.
Here's the hindsight thing. I wish you had said something. I'd like to work on things. I think we can fix our problems. But i wil respect your choice, and I won't stand in your way if you want a divorce, but I don't want a divorce.
Originally Posted By: strange
W...I know, but it has to be you that files for devorce... Me...Why is that? W...erm..because it was me that left. Me...ok, lets talk about this when I see you ok? W...Yeah, ok Me...ok talk to you then...bye
Rest was fine, good actually. But I have no idea what she is talking about that you have to file. IF that is the case (and I really can't believe it is), you're in business my friend because you don't have to do it. I'd suggest you listen to what she says and don't be afraid to say "I'm going to have to think about this. Can we discuss it again later after I've had time to think about what you've told me." You could also slip in ONE more time, calmly, that you don't want a D, but if that is what she decides to do, you want stand in her way.
My guess is what she is getting at or wants is for you to agree to it so she doesn't feel so bad or look so bad, not that you actually have to file.
Originally Posted By: strange
So, i'm a little confused here & thrown slightly off my plan of letting her do the dirty work, so to speak...I'm not sure why she would want me to be the one to file, I have to say I was expecting a letter from her lawyer saying she had done so or to that effect. Maybe it's me, but why does this crap seem to be so wierd.
It is weird, and maybe good. But really, no change in your plan at all. Right?
Originally Posted By: strange
Of course i'm going to wait & see if she does come over to chat & I will look into info on how should go about fileing, just so I know what i'm talking about.
She probably will come over, but maybe not. And it may not be next week.
Do som research, but that is for your benefit. Keep it to yourself. You don't have to educate her.
Good luck friend, Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Here's the hindsight thing. I wish you had said something. I'd like to work on things. I think we can fix our problems. But i wil respect your choice, and I won't stand in your way if you want a divorce, but I don't want a divorce.
Yes I agree to that, it would have been better to say it...I will take the opportunity when we talk next week.
Originally Posted By: nomopo
It is weird, and maybe good. But really, no change in your plan at all. Right?
No change here, I have no intension of fileing, as it is right now. I will just say this...Maybe she does not want to file herself as she does not want hurt me anymore, I would assume she has to give good reason to file? Without making myself inocent in all of this, I can't think of a legitimate reason that she could gave.
