I do not have a whole lot to say, other than I am going to get off of here after this post and accomplish giving my bathroom a much needed cleaning.
I managed to wiggle out of 1/2 of my Overtime tonight. Was going to call wife and let her know that she could drop off the child tommorrow morning, instead of at sitters. We had it arranged that I was to pick her up around 1 pm tommorow. But I decided I am not going to call her. I am going to go out for a bit after work and then come home and sleep. Have some much needed "me" time. I will probably end up picking up daughter early from sitters tommorow.
Also I did some scanning of these boards today and wanted to post some of the things that I have found on detaching:
TampaGuy1961 #645940 - 02/10/06 02:42 PM
Well, the point is that you cannot get anyone to do anything...they have to do it for themselves...if you detach, then you give them the space to do it on their own...if your R was meant to be then that is the ONLY way it will happen...now here is the hardest part, you must truly detach...you must detach not just physically but totally emotionally also...you must convince yourself that you DO NOT CARE WHAT YOUR SPOUSE IS DOING AND IT FEELS GREAT to not have that anxiety...I am perhaps the most impatient person in the world...however impatient anyone out there thinks they are, believe me, I got you beat!! If I can do this, then anyone can if they have the resolve to do it...if you fear D then that is exactly what you will get because your fears and anxiety WILL manifest itself into reality...this has proven itself time and time again...how do you really really overcome anxiety and truly detach? for me it was two fold: first, it was to GAL...do whatever you have to do to get a life, please do it for yourself primarily...that approach has to be that way for you to maintain the detachment of body and soul...second, because you are going down a path that requires blind faith which has to be nourished, find strength in prayer...it is so powerful once you truly let go of your fears and anxiety...God does not want us to have anxiety...He wants us to be happy...we are all His creation...dont ever forget that...once you truly let go of your anxiety and trust that God has the plan for you, you can confront anything that happens...trust me on this...
Kansha #125933 - 03/22/03 01:22 AM
Detachment is a process. We detach a little at a time. You may notice that you have a drop in PMA just before you gain a new level of detachment. When dealing with a spouse in MLC, you are detaching for yourself. It is not a technique that will bring your H back into the family (though in some cases it can have that affect). Those in MLC have to complete the process in their own time frame. What we do will not usually shift that course. But, it will minimize damage. Detachment is necessary for the LBS survival. We are normally so wrapped up in our spouses that we cannot function when they leave and they cannot separate from us enough to figure out their own issues and quit focusing on us.
Jamesjohn #125925 - 03/15/03 11:26 PM
Make sure that you take some time-out for yourself.
Make sure that you take some "recreation" time to "re-create" yourself.
What you are going through right now is a marathon, so don't try to run it at a sprinter's pace.
If you place everything you have, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, into salvaging your relationship, you're going to drain yourself down to nothing.
You'll be so deep into the forest, that you won't be able to see the trees. You won't be able to see some of the obvious solutions that are sitting right before your eyes.
You deserve a break today!
Don't work harder, work smarter!
This was originally posted by Peanut. #75878 - 04/17/01 12:14 AM
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them.
Quoting Michele #125950 - 05/07/03 11:59 PM
One of the biggest mistakes people make is to place too much emphasis on what you're feeling at the moment. feelings are just emotions that come and go. They are triggered by events and thoughts that you are having. It's important to be in touch with your feelings, but it's even more important to realize two things. First, your feelings often misguide you. They're not always right and shouldn't be your guiding light. Secondly, your feelings don't have to dictate your actions. YOu can feel a certain way and make a conscious decision to act another way.
