I made the decision last nite as I couldn't sleep that I wasn't going to see him anymore. On the times I have to switch kids with him, I'm going to have a sitter present. That way I won't be tempted to talk about our R, and he can wonder what I'm doing. It might not be total DB, but for now, it's a plan. insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! Plus, in "Surviving an Affair", the author gives Plan A and Plan B - Plan B says if H/W won't give up OW, you should do just that - cut off all contact and have someone handle your transition times.
What do you guys think? He won't get to see me being happy and chipper and all that, but at least he won't see me be crazy and erratic. Maybe he'll wonder (I hope) how I'm doing. I could from time to time call about the kids, I guess, so he can see I'm not crazy all the time.
I will also keep going to MC as long as he WANTS to go. He did "have to cancel today", but he's trying to reschedule at least. We'll see.
My IC made an analogy yesterday. "Its like marinating steak. If you expect your H's change and awakening to happen quickly, you are marinating the steak for only 5 minutes. For the reward to be great, you really have to marinate the steak for hours." She wants me to think about my H's process as something that needs time, and that he seems to be doing it in his own way.
Sometimes I get so angry at myself. I say one thing and mean another with my actions. I get angry my husband doesn't do something right away and then he calls me on things I've said like "if you go to MC with me, I won't have any expectations on you." Then when he doesn't quit OW in a week, I lose all credibility.
So this is why I've decided to go dark. That and it will save my sanity! I really need time to reflect on this marriage and to decide if its what's best for me and my boys. My husband has pulled some pretty low stuff.
Husband, my husband really believes he's happy with her. So know I don't think its just a pride thing, for now at least. Give it time?
Walkingback, thanks for listening!
Hopeless, I pray for all of us, but you especially - you seem to be right where I am about (my H's OW started around Sep/Oct). Only last nite was tough because it was first nite she moved up here. Now I know they are probably together all the time.
