Well, that depends on whether it's a boundary or a preference. If it's a boundary that's perpetually being crossed then there will be fallout. If it's a preference that you are able to learn to live with (like, for example, choosing to give up, say, a particular hobbby because it's detrimental to the M) then it's a choice you make. And by making that choice, it's your responsibility to prevent the feelings that lead to fallout.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!! Happy dance, happy dance... you get it...
Quote:
A timeframe? You mean like if things don't improve by [this date], then I'm out of here, kind of thing? Ummm... nothing firm, but yes, I do have something in mind.
A minimum level? It's very difficult to say when it's flatlined at zero for two years - I've forgotten what my minimum level was!! Heh. Just before our S6 began commandeering that middle spot in our bed at about 6 months old, we were twice a day most days. And I liked that - although I guess it's probably unreasonable/not practical to some extent now. So, right now, I'd be happy with S once a month. But if we ever reached that level, would I then want it once a week? And then every other day? And then once a day? Would I ever be happy? Etc, etc, etc.
You got me. I *really* don't know the answer to that one.
I don't know that you have to figure it out now, but at some point you should probably consider it.... otherwise... no matter what she does, it's never going to seem enough... to you or to her.
Sounds like you are in a good place, actually. Even though those days come along when you feel you just can't hang on anymore (we all hit those days, even in the best of Ms), it sounds like you are taking control where you can, and really working on your mind set. That's really important.
Venting is important... but too much venting can lead to vicious negative, circular thoughts, eh? Maybe at night, before you go to sleep, you can list 10 concrete things you are thankful happened that day. Or if you feel the negatives creeping in... do a thank you list. I know it sounds corny, but it helps (at least it does for me).
