You have both posted some really important words...words that are important for so many of us to take to heart, not just you Donna.
And Donna, i also know how that extra layer of kids makes things that much more painful, for me at least. That feeling that we've failed them is very real, whether it's rational, reasonable or not. I also feel reasonably sure that ultimately my kids will be okay if/when H and I S/D (that they won't become axe murderers, that's a joke...), but that we (H and I) have taken away something that can never really be replaced. Yes, that's a dramatic statement, but it is what it is.
in truth, this all is what it is...and now it's up to us to make the most of our own lives.
