But I cannot see a M going on in a SSM indefinitely as an 'intact loving family.' Nor do I see it as healthy for the kids (IMO). There IS a serious problem going on between the spouses, and if the SSM goes on too long, there IS fall out, whether you can see it/feel it or not.
Well, that depends on whether it's a boundary or a preference. If it's a boundary that's perpetually being crossed then there will be fallout. If it's a preference that you are able to learn to live with (like, for example, choosing to give up, say, a particular hobbby because it's detrimental to the M) then it's a choice you make. And by making that choice, it's your responsibility to prevent the feelings that lead to fallout.
Make sense? Like I say, I'm at the point where I'm deciding what is more important to me. Can I live without sex indefinitely? Can I find something to replace it? Can I get by with the non-sexual affection my W can give me? I'm still alive after 2 years of it, so it's obviously not going to kill me. However, I've spent much of that two years craving for some kind of rudey-nudey physical contact, so there's definitely *something* missing. Is family more important than sex? What will the kids think of me 10 years down the line if I split their family up? Will I lose them, too?
See, my head is still so full of stinky stuff that I'm not going to make any big choices until I reach a decision that I can stand behind.
Originally Posted By: Corri
I really am glad you want to make your M better, not just for you, but for your W and your kids. There are good days and bad. Are you in MC? And do you have a timeframe in mind... and what improvement looks like? Do you have a solid idea of what your MINIMUM level of acceptance is, and will you know it when you see it?
No, not in MC. My W doesn't particularly believe in it, and me pushing won't help right now. I did have a course of IC late last year and got about as much out of it as I could.
A timeframe? You mean like if things don't improve by [this date], then I'm out of here, kind of thing? Ummm... nothing firm, but yes, I do have something in mind.
A minimum level? It's very difficult to say when it's flatlined at zero for two years - I've forgotten what my minimum level was!! Heh. Just before our S6 began commandeering that middle spot in our bed at about 6 months old, we were twice a day most days. And I liked that - although I guess it's probably unreasonable/not practical to some extent now. So, right now, I'd be happy with S once a month. But if we ever reached that level, would I then want it once a week? And then every other day? And then once a day? Would I ever be happy? Etc, etc, etc.
You got me. I *really* don't know the answer to that one.
