I did go for CBT with a clinical psycologist - i was doing that as a way to improve our marriage before I found out about H's A. I carried on seeing the counselor for a while but it got to the point where he said that I was naturally using CBT and he wld be stealing my money if he kept meeting with him. I am thinking about going back to him for more help and I am definitely going to get the Authentic Happiness book and work through it.Part of my problem is that I am good at rationalising things when with a 'professional' and can even laugh at some of the things we have done, but in the middle of the night I am so alone and going crazy even with H next to me snoring!!
H and I have talked extensively about things and both appear to want to move in the same direction. There's shed loads of love and we do get on well in so many ways - we just lost each other for a while. In my head i can understand why he did what he did and although I THINK that I have forgiven him, perhaps in my heart I haven't.
I completely take on board Theoden what you say about hobbies. I am really in to my horses, (which my H isn't). I spend a fair while dealing with them and their needs whilst H at work and my mind wonders both when I am excercising them and mucking out!! All the children are at school and so I spend a great portion of the day by myself with just my thoughts for company. I can see that this is perhaps not too healthy but I find it more comfortable than going out and socialising much as my self esteem has taken a massive knock. I know I need to motivate myself more but I find it very hard. My thoughts and the lack of sleep are really dragging me down.
Sorry to sound so miserable.......
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
