Now, about the 'no sex' thing. There was a discussion on a thread the other day about boundaries Vs. preferences. That got me thinking. Is me wanting frequent (some? heh.) sex a 'boundary' or a 'preference'? Because if it's a boundary, and therefore a marriage deal-breaker, then it's a case of me choosing a decent sex life over - for example - choosing for my kids to have the opportunity to grow up in an intact, loving family (which, BTW, is very important to me) that has no serious problems.
You put the problem in very simple terms... and it is what most people face. Although there are people on here in Rs that don't have the kids to worry about, and they are still stuck.
It is a HARD choice, make no mistake. But I cannot see a M going on in a SSM indefinitely as an 'intact loving family.' Nor do I see it as healthy for the kids (IMO). There IS a serious problem going on between the spouses, and if the SSM goes on too long, there IS fall out, whether you can see it/feel it or not.
You may not be at all out war with one another, but there is constant tension present, no one smiles or laughs, and there is just a general feeling of oppression within the house. I think parents tend to snap at each other or at the kids more frequently, and while no one may be suicidal depressed... no one is really happy, either. It's just me, but I don't think that is healthy or good for the kids.
I really am glad you want to make your M better, not just for you, but for your W and your kids. There are good days and bad. Are you in MC? And do you have a timeframe in mind... and what improvement looks like? Do you have a solid idea of what your MINIMUM level of acceptance is, and will you know it when you see it?
