1) She was "unhappy". 2) Felt we didn't have our own lives. 3) Felt she gave all she could give and had nothing left to give. "The tank is empty." 4) Felt suffocated by my dependency. 5) Felt we had no relationship
Specifically she felt we didn't have our own lives, we did EVERYTHING together. Which killed individual identity and created an atmosphere of co-dependency. This also created stress on our relationship. She felt she was giving and not receiving anything back. With that she had given so much there was nothing else to give. She didn't feel the love coming back to her but she felt she was giving all she could to show love.
So my thoughts are she first needs to feel love and loved. She's actually said this directly and indirectly. She said she wants to feel appreciated, protected and cared for but not worshiped. By showing love I am addressing the very specific issue around the foundation of her reason to walk away.
Things I am doing are a) assisting with home and car maintenance, b) being open to assisting her in any way, c) identifying things before she mentions them, d) acknowledging what she is doing and showing appreciation for her actions, d) occasionally doing little things that show love and affection. Things I call the "sweet nothings" of life. Things like surprising her with a card, bath gel and scented lotion to create her own home spa experience. But the biggest thing I am doing is in attitude I don't expect anything back from my actions, I am doing them because I WANT to do them.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
