I read in your posts such strength, such poise and elegance, and you are such a great and loving mom, so intelligent, so clear... And as you get to enjoy that more and more, your kids will feel that calm and assurance (and experience that fun happy side of you!) and feel the relief of the drama and turmoil being gone (at least when they are with you). Because you have done, and continue to do, good work on yourself.
Thank you. And I agree that my children will benefit and, in fact, are benefiting from my newfound sense of peace, such as it is.
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So much of those breathing issues are anxiety and stress related. Your S is being exposed energetically to things that don't work for him.
That is such in interesting take on the situation. In fact, the ped said it was anxiety-related. So the little guy started coughing, got anxious, and then had to go and find H, who was in bed with his g/f. No matter how much S5 likes her, she's not me. And, as you say, he is not "safe" with H b/c there is so much change with him, no real stability.
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Hopefully at some point you will even be able to talk to your H about this, and what he can do to have S's world feel more nurturing, less chaotic. Although probably your H will have to get there himself first. Nonetheless, sometimes they can do for a child what they might not be able to do just for themselves. it is worth a convo, for your S's sake.
I actually brought this up in mediation (stability), but H just seems to think I'm jealous of his g/f. He just does not seem to "get" that the children both need a more stable environment. However, perhaps once he stabilizes himself (if ever), that will happen.
H will be taking the kids on vacation for the last week of July. It will be interesting to see if he takes ow and her son along. I hope not b/c I think the kids deserve some time alone with him. But I'll bet she'll be spending at least a few days w/ them.
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These things don't happen overnight, but it would be better for your kids, and healthier for you, if you could just focus on what H does that works.
This is a good point. I think I've somehow skipped a step, and gone from "positive expectations" straight to "negative expectations," but skipped over "NO expectations"! I feel like everything H does has some ulterior motive. Unfortunately, that's usually the case, but it doesn't help to focus on it. You're right that I'm using up my energy in a negative way.
Thank you so much for this; it's very helpful.
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
