Neither your future nor your children's future are in H's hands. You are separate people. He determines the course of no one elses life.
H has told you over and over again what he wants, all you do is reply with what you want.
"My own IC has said that he may not be strong enough..."
I think she may very well be right. Your H strikes me as someone very codependent, sickly enmeshed, and passive aggressive. No backbone. He doesn't stand up for himself and blames you for that. His hate and resentment run so deep because he despises himself for being a doormat and being afraid not to be a doormat. He projects that hate and resentment on you. You cannot to anything about it. You cannot explain it away. It is not in your power. Trying to show him the "truth" or how he "should" be or what he "should" want only proves to him that he is justified in his hatred and resentment of you. For anything really to change, your H has to find the strength to confront himself, quit being a weak passive-aggressive sickly enmeshed child, and grow up into a strong, happy, self-sufficient man.
How's that?
It is actually what I think. It is why I think you don't respect H too. Not very much there too respect...
My guess is that the real problem in your M is that you grew up and started getting healthier, which takes away his nice, sickly-enmeshed stuck child-wife to stay comfy with in his stuckness.
How's that?
And, if you look back in your M, my guess is that you could identify several times where you felt you were really making progress in your life in terms of personal/professional growth, and those times somehow got stunted because something with H went whacko.
How's that?
If you get D, I expect hopes and dreams you forgot you had will come back to you. Your life will quickly be more full and happier than you ever thought possible.
How's that?
I actually believe all that about your sitch. Still, fair disclosure, it is pretty much all autobiography. But, like I said, I see too much of myself and my XM with XH in your sitch.
