Hopefully these yarns are helpful to those who read them. They are helpful to me, to journalize.
Yesterday went okay, pretty good for most of the day. We went for a walk after dinner and talked. I wanted to find out how she was doing, feeling within our relationship. I did not get a lot of direct feedback, and did not pry into how her counseling was going. The non-communication has given me the impression that there are some difficult subjects at her C sessions to work through. I am okay with this.

W asked me how I was feeling about our R. I did my best political dance around the subject for a bit. Not because I did not want to tell her, rather I felt that I would be burdening her with more issues (my wishes for the relationship) which she was not ready for.
Anyway she persisted, and I finally brought up the sex issue. I told her that for much of our marriage ML was not frequent enough for me. I did not want to feel like I was burdening her with something overwhelming so we talked quite a bit about this. It was enlightening to me. I am just not sure if she is interested, capable or willing to work on changing this aspect of our M.
In conclusion I said, not to feel burdened by this, rather look at it as a necessity that we have a R talk every day, even if it is only for five minutes. I respectfully suggested that it is not just me who needs to learn to communicate, but there is effort required on both of our parts.

So for me, I am okay with this talk. There seems to be an underpinning or reluctance on W part, that she too has to work hard on our M. She is not phoning from home to OM, and is coming home promptly after work. I get the feeling that she is still talking to OM via email or other means at work (they work at same large employer - not the same department.) The reason I think I sense this, is a change in her mannerisms some days and I feel it necessary to pay close attention to my feelings. I sense her commitment to counseling waning at this time. It is a tough go, I know this. I am worried for her, that if she gives up on counseling this go around, it will be three different counselors.

For myself, I made a large small step for myself on the GAL front. I tried to think of things that motivate me into action (instead of sulking, withdrawing, procrastinating or feeling hurt) and I documented them. When I am having a less than motivational moment, I hope to be able to open the document or look at the words and find inspiration.
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I'll share one;
An old class photograph of my Grandpa and his two brothers (Ireland circa early 1900's) comes to mind. For those people who don't recognize the faces in the photo, the way that you can distinguish the three brothers, is the fact that they are the only children who do not have any shoes on their feet.
So in the age when we place so much value on new cars, dvd players, cell phones, plasma tvs, my grandpa's wish at that time, would have been to have a decent pair of shoes, perhaps.