Well, I went up north with my D and two of my sisters. We went to the resort where we frequently vacationed as a family. It was sort of healing experience for me to just sit on the beach where I first french-kissed a boy when I was 14. It helped me feel more in touch with my pre-SSM sexual self.
But then I got home and waiting for me was an angry letter from my 2bx in which he said stuff like:
"...since I actually have a heart and not just an ego, it really did hurt a little bit."
"I really wanted you to touch my soul. I see how, lacking one yourself, more mercenary tactics were necessary on your part."
Describes himself as "1 woeful piece of meat insufficiently prepared for the picnic that is your love"
"I'll take sweet agonizing misery over vacancy (and all that you do to fill it) any f*cking day of the week."
The whole content of the letter just shows me so clearly how we were never really able to emotionally connect. It's like pain and misery is what makes him feel alive and he wanted me to come down into the abyss and share that with him and it always seemed to me like he loved his own misery more than he loved me and in order to gain his love I had to make him happy and in the attempt I made myself miserable too. What a f*cking nightmare of a marriage we had.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
To me, sleeping with a guy because he's cute indicates discernment, and thus disqualifies the woman who does it as a slut. ;\)
LOL- I'm not really all that concerned. It's hard to be slutty when you are too nice to "pressure" men into having sex with you. I read the book "Dating Confidential" and according to it, I am mostly doing or at least attempting all the right things to make myself attractive to men (like showing cleavage, letting them open doors etc.) but I'm not doing that much to signal sexual interest. For instance, I never touch my dates and (hard to believe, I know) I don't verbally flirt in a sexual manner in person (although I do in a social manner) and I actually ignore quite a bit of innuendo.
I think I'm still kind of messed up from my marital sich if this book is an accurate portrayal of what other women might do on a date. For instance, she writes as though putting your hand on your date's leg while he's driving would be normal flirtatious behavior. I wouldn't do that and the reason I wouldn't do that would be because I would feel like I was being kind of "rude" to assume that my date would appreciate that sort of thing. I am subconsciously stuck in this mindset that my HD is obvious and overwhelming so doing anything like that would be kind of obnoxious and pushy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I feel like cr*p. My 2bx continues to make me feel terrible about myself even after abandoning ship like he has. In one part of the letter he is basically yelling at me for not getting the revised divorce paperwork processed quickly enough and he writes "For purposes of stamina, I recommend a steady diet of hoagie for the duration. If we can get 12 yr.old (mean nickname for me) to take a nap in short order, maybe we can hope for greater attention to detail and accuracy" and he calls me an "artless wretch" because I tried to prove my love through "Acts of Service". How can I even respond to this kind of communication? Should I write him back "Okay, your letter made me feel bad for being me and made me cry so now I am sharing your misery. Does that make you feel closer to me? Is that what you want? "
I don't think that I should have to cry all the time in order to prove that I have feelings.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
For purposes of stamina, I recommend a steady diet of hoagie for the duration. If we can get 12 yr.old (mean nickname for me) to take a nap in short order, maybe we can hope for greater attention to detail and accuracy
sounds like the emails I keep getting, except that it's spelled correctly.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Well, I talked to my MIL this morning regarding weekend plans with my D and she said that my SIL had told her that my 2bx said that he had sent me a hate letter. First he runs away and dumps every mutual responsibility we ever had in my lap. Then he writes me a letter in which he insults me for not being able to deal with them in an expeditious manner and for not concentrating my emotional energy on feeling sorry for him. I told my MIL that I am not going to respond to the letter and I am not going to open any further letters from him.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Basically, he is accusing me of not being a loving person in the letter. That just isn't true. I am a loving person and I did love him but just not in the way he wanted. Really, I'm a pretty simple woman. If I love you, I will want to have sex with you and I will want to bake you a cake on your birthday. I might have sex with you just because you are cute, but I won't bake you the cake. I will never feel sorry for you because you hate your job or your life because I love you. It just feels "wrong" to me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo, honey, don't read any more of his letters. Nothing good can come of it. Simply throw them in the trash. Period. There isn't one good reason in the world for you to read them.
If you're afraid there might be some actual information in them that you may need, then ask someone else to read them for the purpose of identifying any real content, but NOT to tell you anything else.
I mean it. Don't read them. Not good for you. They're all lies told from his warped pov.
Amen to what Lil said. Toss them or let someone else sort through them for you.
No need to take his hand and let him lead you back into his steaming little pile.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
My ex used to send letters like this to me fairly often. She still will leave phone messages which contain "hot button" phrases that are clearly there to try to set me off. I used to take the bait all the time.
Now, I ignore them. To the extent I can, I treat my relationship with my ex as purely a business relationship, with "co-parenting" as the subject. If it strays from that, I don't respond. If she gets "personal" or tries to attack me, I either don't respond or, if a response is required (for example, a financial obligation needs to be paid for a child's activity), I respond in a totally businesslike (read: unemotional) way.
This way of dealing with your ex, in addition to keeping the focus on only essential items related to the children, has the added benefit of totally pissing them off.
Face it, he wrote that letter as some sort of catharsis. A "tit for tat" or, "she hurt me, now I'll hurt her", "poor little ol' me" type of attitude pervades. Think about an otter, and how water slides across its back - such are the words of your stbx, touching you, but not affecting you.
Or, if all else fails, "sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me."
