Thanks Ali, yes, somedays if not most days it's hourly.

Today, it's hourly. $600.00 in NSF charges!!!! I want to call her right now and go off!! This is unbelievable. She doesn't want to partner with me, she doesn't want to be MY wife, then she doesn't need access to MY checking account. Part of me thinks this is some malicious crap on her part.

The other part of me thinks, she is going through something I can't understand and she is shredding everything around her. I feel bad for her, yet I can't allow this to happen. It jeopardizes the life I provide for my children.

My W was a cutter. She attempted suicide numerous times when she was a child/teen. She told me this when we were dating. This behavior is so far removed from me, it never struck home with me until we were working out together once and I was spotting her while she was working through the last tough rep of a Press Behind the Neck. As I reached down to help her up the bar, the scars on her wrists and forearms were bulging out from the stress on her joints. I froze. She snapped me out of it when she said, "little help please". I kind of joked a bit about zoning out looking down her shirt but I was rocked. It wasn't real to me before. I've looked for the scars since, but they are so barely noticable you really would have to know they are there already. After reading more about it, I understand that is part of this behavior/illness. She did numerous things during and shortly after the years of abuse to harm herself, up to and including the breaking of bones. Her younger sister, also abused by the same predator, was/is anorexic-bulemic and lives a life of utter chaos.

So here I am. W told me that she had not considered any of those things in 18 years, (her time with me), until recently that is. Now her biggest fantasy is "leaving". I fear for her safety, yet I can't be there 24/7. I fear for my children, not because she will harm them, but because she recently said that she is starting to believe they would be better off without her around.

One side of me wants to walk away. Screw this. She has issues, some I caused, some were there long before me. Being with me during the time that things were going well, she was okay. When the R started to tank, so did she.

I don't know. She just called, she locked the keys in her car. I have to take her my keys. I'll post more later.