Questions for all the "Cheated"

[RedHeadWife]

Thanks. I'm looking forward to it. Hoping that 'good' things will happen and I will feel like we are 'connected' again. Right now, after everything that's happened, and with him being gone, I almost feel like I don't really know him anymore. I also thought this a.m. that when I talk to him, it's almost like he's just a friend, but maybe that's good. That's how we started out -- just friends and I guess friendship is a good foundation for a R/M anyway. I know he's got to be lonely over there. He sees pics of the boys and they are already growing & changing & he's missing all of that.

I've also realized that if he does cheat on me again, it will be way more of a conscious decision this time and I don't think he will do that. It won't be something that gradually happens the way maybe his last EA started. Or maybe it was a conscious thing last time too, but I just don't believe that he will do it again.

I just wonder how he's REALLY feeling sometimes though. I heard the 'I love you as a person and the mother of my children and that's it' so many times, I wonder what changed his mind or if his mind even changed. I sure hope he's not just staying for the boys. I want him to love me too. I need that. I guess if he did decide to stay for the boys, maybe if it hasn't happened already, he will begin to feel the romantic love for me again. Sure hope so. I don't want to live in a M where he's just acting all the time. I don't think he could do that for very long. I know in the past, when I was in high school, I had an awesome boyfriend, but it just wasn't there for me, you know? And when would try to force it, I just felt sick to my stomach all the time. I sure hope my H doesn't feel that way about me.