Well That's It, I Give Up

[JR2007]

Well, that is quite the turn of events, eh?

I don't even know what I'd do if my W agreed to that right now.

The thing I did wrong with our sex life was trying to make it purely about the sex. I didn't take the emotion into account. When things were good emotionally, the sex was un-freakin-believeable. When things weren't good emotionally, it was just OK, didn't happen as often (though we still had sex multiple times a week) and she did NOT enjoy it. I thought if we did new things she'd get into it more, but that pushed her further away from enjoying it. I told her how much I wanted her to enjoy it, and that was true! However, she heard that and thought in her mind, "Sure you do <roll eyes> If you wanted me to enjoy it, you would take my emotional needs into consideration!" She HAD to have the emotional piece, the feelings of security, the feelings of being who she is and being comfortable with that. Without it, sex would never be good for her. It would be a chore, a task, a duty of the good wife, nothing to get excited over - and when the excitement is gone, well we know where that gets us...

So, as for what your W is saying about not being sure if your changes are real or How can she know they're lasting? You just show her. You have 60 days at least, right? You'll be surprised how long that feels. Answering the questions with words will get you nowhere. Then, as things progress, you'll see the sex getting better as she feels more comfortable. Women attach emotion to sex, where men are just happy with the sex (I know I always was...) Actually, you'll see your whole relationship getting better as you meet each others' needs and let selfishness go by the wayside Sex is important, but it's really just another piece of the marriage puzzle, one that needs attention, but no more than all the others, they're all inter-related.

Good luck dude, take this opportunity to make yourself better and show your W what she'll be missing if she bails.