OK, confession time. On the way to and from work, if I just drive about 1 mile out of my way, I can drive by where she is staying. I have been doing this. I know that this is not detaching in the least bit. I did not see her car there the last 3 times I have driven by now. Makes me wonder if she hasnt went out and got her own place?
So at work last night I let my imagination run with this for awhile. Suppose she has got her own place? I have the right to know where my child is staying!! Maybe she moved in with some scumbag.....I dont want my child staying at some house with some scumbag!! I have the right to know who this scumbag is........ She had better give me answers, or else, or else I will get a lawyer and demand them........dammit, it is my right!!!
Then I sort of caught myself. I asked myself, "why in the world am I even putting myself through this crap? I dont know anything. If she has got her own place, well that would not really be a shock. I am sure my child will tell me this sooner or later anyhow. But I did let go of this a bit. I mean it is completly out of my control anyhow. I still do have enough faith in her that I believe that she would not put my child in a bad place.
But the lesson I got was, basically to quit conjoring up all of these goofy thoughts, the only person that they really hurt is me. Why would I want to hurt myself like that?
Nomo said, "NDDT, do you feel like you can be/will be happy in your life regardless of what happens........."
happy? I dont know. Content perhaps. The will to continue forward and accept what life has to offer me.....yes, I can do that.
