Its surprising that things have gotten this far without a turn around on her part. I think moving yourself out of the dog house position on the couch is the right thing to do.
Martelo,
Yeah, she's a stubborn old coot, ain't she. Even NOP said she's as stubborn and resistant as any he's seen. She gets it from her mother, and her maternal grandfather, both of whom were known to be able to hold grudges for 50 years. She is DUG IN, and fighting me, and fighting her family, and even fighting God and is determined to have her little fantasy.
And yes, I will still be loving and respectful and dignified. In short, I am treating her as Jesus Himself would treat her if He were standing right here: "I"m here for you, but you have to turn away from this path you are on."
Unfortunately, the family laws in Florida are among the worst in the country for this sort of thing. Infidelity can only enter into the equation when it comes to custody (or alimony, to the extent that you might be able to show that OM is providing "support" to her financially), and once a marriage is considered "long-term" (15+ years), the alimony can be PERMANENT unless the wife agrees to something other.
We've been married for 22 years.
I know what you're saying about showing her the financial stuff, but I'm really not of the mood to be educating her right now. She needs to learn this stuff for herself.
In Florida, she WILL get alimony, and she will get it permanently if that's what she pushes for. She'll get it until I retire, or she retires, or she begins to be supported financially by someone else.
Infidelity, and the evidence of it, can very much be used to decide custody. But it won't affect alimony.
I don't think she's factoring in rent, utilities and the like because this is her SHORT-TERM list. This is her figuring out how much she needs to make NOW, until such time as she can get either permanent alimony from our divorce, or temporary alimony in advance of our divorce if she can win such a case.
Her mind has not even yet begun to wrap around the day-to-day financial realities of living on her own. She is merely starting to make the transition in her mind from living at home with daddy supporting her, to living at home with hubby supporting her, to living at home with ex-hubby supporting her via alimony and child support.
Thanks for your note of encouragement and concern. I'm doing okay. I do have my weak moments, but prayer helps, and NOP keeps my head screwed on straight on a daily basis. When I falter emotionally, I just think about my kids, especially my two boys, and I fight on. I try to focus on ONE DAY AT A TIME, and I am continually amazed how each day, and with each new step no matter how difficult, God has put people in my life to help me with it, and has equipped me with the things I've needed THAT DAY to work thru it.
Either way this turns out, I am coming out of it a better man that I was going in, and I will sleep well knowing that I fought the right, and honorable fight.
