I rarely discussed my lack of SL with my girlfriends more my discontentment with my H at times. Difference was my H would have considered ME LD but I considered hom LD. I think at various times in our M he has been way more LD than me actually thats not strictly true. I think when I did something that p**** him off he withdrew sex and affection as some kind of punishment.
When I returned to Scotland I met up with some of my old schoolfriends via Friends reunited. Now these were the friends I shared my first kiss first holding hands etc with a boy with so they knew me and we could talk about anything.
We are all 55 and one of our main topics of conversation is sex. 2 of my friends were HD in the past but were now having to force themselves to ML as they had no desire. One had some really bad experiences with her 1st H (she only had sex 5 or 6 times her whole 10 year M) he liked her to whip him and wore lingerie LOL. At the time we met up I had had surgery that made sex painful and I was terrified of ML and since my H had ED problems prior to my op figured could live without. One of my friends set me thinking that while I could live without It wasn't fair to my H. I explained that my H never made any moves on me and hadn't been that interested prior to the ED or my op and she was surprised. Lack of desire in women in their 50's does seem more the norm than HD at the same age.
Have to say my 40's was a whole different time I was way more HD than my H. Kids were older no sleepless nights anymore bit more money so for me much higher SD. My H OTOH was prudish about our teenage sons hearing so he was always teling me to be quiet (major turn off) or too tired.
Have to say one of my friends NEVER enjoyed sex with her H. She stayed M to him for over 30 yrs but never once had an orgasm with him and eventually left him. Her H still a close friend never knew how she feltand they ML often.
I was also very surprised when another friend who appeared very happily married told me her H was like mine and they hadn't ML for over a year. This was 15 years ago when only in our 40's. Her H did a similar job to mine and I thought maybe it was the tiredness that caused the LD. Turned out they were both having affairs so that explained the lack of interest LOL
I have another friend whose H was incredibly HD she had twins and he wanted to ML 3 or 4 times a day every day. Now she really was exhausted looking after the babies and still ML but sometimes would have preferred to sleep. Her H cheated on her and still ML to her 3 times a day so he was VERY HD. They eventually divorced and she has a great SL with her new partner. She also says that although she has sex less often her new BF is a way better lover than her H. Quality rather than quantity LOL.
I've seen things from all POV and really don't think there is any such thing as the norm. In so saying I don't think zero sex should ever be the norm in a good marriage. OTOH there could be tons of sex and that stil wouldn't be a good marriage.
