"2) Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
Trying, but probably not very good at this, either. I try to talk about the family instead, and what H might face. I have to eliminate my defensiveness."
You are STILL trying to communicate your POV and convince him of its correctness through those other conversations, yes?
Quit trying to get him to see your POV. There is nothing to work out, nothing to convince him of, nothing to prove you were right about. If you reconcile, you will need to work through some things. Until then, act like he is a right-wing Republican and you are a Democrat and you have no vested interest in changing his mind.
