Just tell him your boundaries aren't anymore about disliking him than his boundaries (including the D) aren't about disliking you. Please DO NOT feel responsible for his discomfort. He tells you he wants a D and he is whining that you don't want him in your bedroom in the middle of the night? How skewed is that. His enmeshment issues are MUCH heavier than yours. He just wants you to pat his head and tell him he is still a good boy. Not your job. Don't do it. Don't participate in maintaining his fantasy of a D-life where he still gets to have everything he wants, including the use of your bathroom. Crazy. No, it will not work for you to live together and be D. Talk about unhealthy.
He is almost certainly lying about both the jewelry and the lawyer.
Re detachment. No, that is not what detachment is. Detachment is what you need in ANY HEALTHY relationship between loving partners. Read up on enmeshment, take a look at Passionate Marriage -- not for the marriage stuff, but for yourself.
When you reach the place that you understand that detachment is positive -- that it allows for much deeper love and much greater intimacy -- then you'll be ready for an R, with H or someone else.
