Well, I went up north with my D and two of my sisters. We went to the resort where we frequently vacationed as a family. It was sort of healing experience for me to just sit on the beach where I first french-kissed a boy when I was 14. It helped me feel more in touch with my pre-SSM sexual self.
But then I got home and waiting for me was an angry letter from my 2bx in which he said stuff like:
"...since I actually have a heart and not just an ego, it really did hurt a little bit."
"I really wanted you to touch my soul. I see how, lacking one yourself, more mercenary tactics were necessary on your part."
Describes himself as "1 woeful piece of meat insufficiently prepared for the picnic that is your love"
"I'll take sweet agonizing misery over vacancy (and all that you do to fill it) any f*cking day of the week."
The whole content of the letter just shows me so clearly how we were never really able to emotionally connect. It's like pain and misery is what makes him feel alive and he wanted me to come down into the abyss and share that with him and it always seemed to me like he loved his own misery more than he loved me and in order to gain his love I had to make him happy and in the attempt I made myself miserable too. What a f*cking nightmare of a marriage we had.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
