thanks for stopping by over here on my very quiet thread.... I like to look at it as a "retreat" of sorts from those busy, "high traffic" threads!
OK, let's see:
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Yes, they SHOULD be able to be safe and accepted for who they are. They should also be able to modify their primal needs to adapt (not suppress, but adapt) their needs to fit their relationships.
I totally agree. Easier said than done though perhaps. I think for my H it is not the primal need of "going out" per se. It is the belief that he will always just disappoint anyone who he really loves (interestingly enough that was my way to protect myself from hurt in the marriage: show my disappointment.) and that he does not deserve unconditional love. Yes, all issues he needs to deal with. He is a smart, sensitive guy... I hope he finds the courage to go there one day.
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And, in a healthy relationship, you can SAY these things to your partner without fear of rejection. IF your partner is at the same spiritual and emotional place you are at.
Very often we find that we, as the LBS, move beyond the WAS's ability to grow.
Agree completely. Neither of us were at that place before. Sure at times but as we got more distant from each other this became less and less. Also, as smart as I am do you know I never really understood the compassion and flexibility needed for a healthy R... I thought it was all about being a strong woman who does not bend. (Old me: Compromise ?? what's that????? )
I have grown tremendously in these 2 years... I mean huge stuff... such a change in the way I view life, my accountability, people etc... (but a def. "work in progress" )
My H has regressed in a sense but on the other hand he is also living that part of his life that was the "bad boy". To which I say "go for it, H".
In the end I would only want him in my life is that is his choice.
Uh and yup, this does indeed suck... big time! Wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy... I do believe though that everything happens for a reason.
All I can do is ground and love myself, and enjoy life now. Who will show up to my life "party"? I dunno, it would be nice if it were H but if not it will be a wonderful someone else. (whoever it is they will be one lucky guy!!! )
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
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