How does one stop fixating on the OW and move on?

[saffie]

limbo,

Your sitch sounds very similar to mine but you appear to be ahead of me in the recovery stakes. It is such a relief to find people with similar thoughts and feelings. I have read some of your posts and found them inspiring. At the moment I think I could become a WAW in order to try and limit the pain. I dont want to do this as I really love my H and would really miss him. I have never looked at another man romantically since the day I met him, but I obviously stopped showing him I felt like that. With the advent of children we grew apart and somewhere along the line we stopped talking and started confiding in others - me in my girlfriends and him eventually in one of his staff. She wasnt particularly attractive or unattractive, (although she had a high opinion of herself). What she did do though was smile alot, (so he says), and that was something I definitely did not do much. In the 18 months the A went on he slept with her 5 times and he said the sex was awfull and not what he was looking for - he wanted a friend. She wanted sex, the Chief Executive of the Co., his paypacket and my life. She even started to mold herself on me down to joining a bkclub!!

I find the fact that he had an affair at all v.hard to deal with but I can see how it came about. Living with the fall out though is so hard. All the staff new about tha affair and never mentioned it and so whenever I have to socialise with his staff now I feel embarrassed, made a fool of, alienated etc. Even tho she left as soon as I found out, we live in a small community and her parents live in the same village. We have common acquaintances and so on. I live in fear of running into her, (although my husband maintains she is probably more frightened of me!). I dont know what I would do if I met her.

In addition I feel sorry for my H that she probably didnt love him at all and saw him as a way out of her unhappy marriage. She viewed it as a game and even said to my husband in an email that I played a "good game". This was no game - it was my marriage. I dont see the situation as being about winners and losers, more about pain and damage limitation and wanting to forgive. Her callous and cavalier attitude have left me incensed and burning with feelings of injustice. How could my husband get involved with someone so horrid that they wld seemingly not care one jot about my children even if she hated me? I guess thats a silly question when she was willing to abandon her own kids, (aged 9 and 7), in order to pursue her own interests.

I dont like to feel all this dislike. I just want her out of my head. My H knows how much I love him and I do believe he loves me and he is a really good dad aswell. I just want to stop thinking about this OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone tried hypnosis? I'm getting desperate enough to try anything to forget her.

I have a nice life, a lovelh home, four fantastic happy healthy kids and I am a stay at home mum with my horses etc. I have a lot of reasons to stay when I add it all up but sometimes that just doesnt feel enough. I feel really bad that I feel this way looking at some other peoples sitchs but I cant figure out a way to get to forgiving the OW so that I can get over this problem and progress.

suggestions gratefully received...........

Me-42
H-42
M-21 years on 20th Sept 2007
together almost 22 years
D15,D14,S12,D9
H's A with OW-Jan 2005 to Jul 2006
bomb dropped & A ended Jul 2006
H at home at all times
H last slept with OW on my youngest daughters b'day so no way to 4get that date. Told about affair on 4th July; unfortunatley he picks dates real easy to remember!!!