Thanks NDDT. Yup...it's a pretty slippery slope that I have stepped out onto. And I'm barely on it really. But I guess I kind of felt like it was a slope I need to step out onto to some degree. My W has made it clear that she wants a D. She no longer wants me as her H. I then need to make decisions based on that information. Do I need to date someone..No However, if I want to date someone...I don't think not doing it because I want to hold on to my M is a solid reason anymore. I feel like that is just living in denial.
Ian...my friend...thank you for getting to the heart of it for me. Was there a spark? You bet! Romance? Not sure I'd define it that way. Warm and fuzzy in the nether region???....dude...I haven't had sex in a year and I'm dancing with two hot women...plenty of that my friend.
Can my W ever be that person? No idea man. I used to be fairly sure she could...even though she hasn't for so many years. I guess that as long as we are opposite sides of this...we really can't be comfortable with each other. And that is sad. I feel like if she wanted the M...we could be comfortable and happy with one another...or if I give up on the M...then maybe we can be that way too. Unfortunately is the latter that is happening.
She has shut herself off to me..no doubt about it. Did I deserve it? Maybe I did actually. But once everything was brought to light...I also deserved to have that wall come down and given a 2nd chance...but she refused to let that happen.
And you know what...I am tired of being alone. Our M has been going down hill for at least 7 years. We've both been lonely. She started doing what I'm doing now about 3-5 years ago. So she has had someone. I marched on alone. When it all came to light, I continued to fight and be alone. She ran away..and ran back to him. She has now made it clear she doesn't want me as her H...how much longer do I have to be alone?
