I'm sorry you're feeling so down on this, but I understand completely. All I can say to you is that I'm now eleven days into my "going dark" phase, but it has actually been more dim than dark. Like you, there are kids involved so it's impossible to severe all ties and communication. However, it is how you manage the interactions that make the key.
I will not say that things are changed in my "relationship" with my wife, but I think she is realizing now that I don't have any buttons for her to push anymore. I simply do not react if she says something bad. That part of it has been going on for a few weeks now. Well, you have read how out of control, venemous and toxic my sitch had become. Now? With the exception of one short sentence to "not too bad" stuff from her, we haven't had a single incident in over a week. There has been very little communication and the situation is, if nothing else, calmed down. Just yesterday, we had two very brief (under 60 seconds) face-to-face interactions, and for the first time in probably six weeks she spoke to me without contempt or bitterness in her voice. No trying to push me into anything, no horrible words and a normal tone of voice. Progress?? I don't know, but it beats the vile interactions we had been experiencing. And today, my daughter asked W if I could come over and swim with the kids (she asks all the time and gets a "no" - I haven't been in the pool with them in about three weeks), and my wife, per D7, said OK. A sign? I doubt it's a real good sign, but my point is that by just taking away her ability to fight with me, she has maybe calmed down. And calming down could be the first step that will allow her to at the very least begin the process of taking a different look at our entire situation. While the bickering, fighting, screaming, vitriol and other junk was going on, there was no way for any of this to even be considered. I'm not jumping to any conclusions by the very small things I'm seeing from W, but at least we are calm for now, and that helps.
So I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you should consider this approach for a while. Take away his ability to even say anything bad. Not hearing it from him will allow you to settle down a bit as well. Remember, if what you're doing is not working, do something different.
Hope this helps.... DNQ
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
