NikkiB #17

[NikB]

Alimari, ST, OT - thanks for posting!

Alimari
I've been reading your posts as well, although didn't have much advice to add. I hope things calm down for you soon.

I'm like you, I tend to overanalyze everything before I say it... I'm working on it, but it is really tough. Sounds like I am a LOT like you, yes, "What did I do now??" comes into my head A LOT. I fight it, but it's there. I have been very actively trying not to 'fix' things for him, but as you know it's not easy. No offense at all, I appreciate you posting.

ST
True... so many possible ways, and I have to keep myself from analyzing every possibility to death sometimes. Aww thanks about my friends here. Wish some of you guys lived closer so we could all GAL together! I don't think I'm fixing things, or at least not as much as I was before.

OT
I think I understand a bit better now. I do need to keep reminding myself of that though. I tend to get pretty hurt when he turns things around on me like that, so I see what you mean about not letting that get to me. The compliment isn't inappropriate, and I'm not responsible for how he takes it or replies to it. That makes sense now.

Just to get an outside perspective, did those types of compliments come across as patronizing? I really don't think so, especially when it's received well most of the time, but still wanted to see how it "sounds" from another viewpoint.

Thanks for the book recommendations! I haven't read either of those. I found the critical inner voice one for cheap on Amazon so I ordered that today. I'll add the 5LL one on arguments to my future reading list too.

I know H and I would be better off if we DID argue. The only actual "fights" I can recall us having were during last year, about his time/actions with PW. To friends/family, we were the perfect couple who never fought... (yeah, I now know that's a VERY bad sign in an R).