Tiny Ray of Light...Pt III

[NMHurting]

So her and I had the following email exchange...I'm so lost.

HER: They guy in gallup sold the horse..i give up


ME: without calling you...knowing you were interested? how rude


HER: maybe im not meant to have a horse


ME: I don't think that. I just think you weren't meant to get THAT horse. We'll get there, have some patience. What's a couple more weeks or months after 10 years?


HER: i have to tell ya im giving up hope


ME: I know it's discouraging. But the right one will come along. Just like I have faith in us, I have faith in the horse. You're way to determined of a person to let this stop you.


HER: you have no idea how much i just feel like giving up


ME: so talk to me about it


HER: nothing to talk about...so here it is 941 and (MIL) is still in bed smoking and drinking pepsi, The kids have NO clean clothes..



ME: And if you touch the clothes all hell would break loose I'm sure. Is she speaking to you at this point? Let me talk to Mel about the auctions. The next one is Aug 25th and if we haven't had a horse lead I say we go to it. What the hell. Will be nice for a day trip even if we don't buy anything.


HER: no she inst talking to me and screw her i am doing laundry..the kids need clothes..i dunno about the acution i am really ready to just give up.


ME: why are you so ready to give up on your dream? You're sooo close. And I'm trying to help you here.


HER: i am not closer to the horse dream today then i was 10 years ago


ME Yes you are. Your husband is actually paying attention now and supporting you in it. You have virtually all the tack. We have a financial option that might work. This can happen.


HER: a saddle that isnt usable, a bridle that isnt usable..a loan that MIGHT come thru..i have done without forever so what in the world was i thinking..i do not believe it will happen, i have given up hope..


ME: why is the saddle and bridle unusable? I thought we just had to break in the saddle which I have the strength to do. I just need to get moved first. I know you've gone without. I see that now. We bought a ton of trivial crap all the years trying to fill those holes in both of us. Whether it be a new dog or a DVD.

I know you feel like you've tried everything. But I'm not done trying.

I think part of this is your mom has you beat down again. It's more than just the horse. Am I right?



HER everyone has me beat down..not just my mother..
i dont have the strength to do the saddle which renders it useless..




ME: I beat you down in ways I didn't realize. I thought I was just beating myself down. Don't recluse on me. I told you the Lorii I miss was the one that wasn't afraid to give the bird to me and kiss me at the same time. You still have that passion in you. You still have that drive in you. We've just got to tap back into it. I'm doing what I can to help inspire you.

If you want this, lets do this. No fretting about it. We're just going to friggin do it. Just like we just bought a Bronco, just like we just moved to VA. We are going to just jump and do this!

I will take care of that saddle for you as soon as I get moved.
I just read your bulletin...speaking to (person she had an affair on me with in another state) again I see. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?

Yup..speaking to the man that I consider the downhill slide of our marriage.