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I felt that if I said or did anything wrong he would pack his bags and leave. He even told me later that after a good trip together in December, he was planning to leave again in January. He kept saying we had problems that couldn't be solved. (What these are is still sketchy).

MY H said these exact same things and I felt the exact same way YOU DO. We have been reconciled since last August and just recently I felt like hey this is going to be ok. THE whole OW thing is a BIG thing to get over and the thinking he still wnats/needs her etc tec is hard to get over but little by little if you work on you, and letting her go it will get better.
KEEP POSTING and you will get some great advice here. Believe it or not I am in the Newcomers section as an INSPRIRATIONAL STORY AND I still struggle with knowing what is best for me. But the support I get here and venting and posting makes all the difference in the World. It takes a lot of hard work but you will get so much support and Fabulous advice here that anything is possible and one day it will just seem like a bad Memory and you will be fine. MY H still has a Tattoo w/ OW name above his heart and it used to cause me so much heatache especially when we would ML,, and now it seems like nothing. So you can and will succeed in getting her out of your system,, you will never forget~ but one day you will get to the point that when it pops in your mind it wont hurt you anymore. I promise. ;\) seems impossible right now but it is not.
All my best to you, take care and GOD BLESS...