I would like to get thoughts from others on how to heal from a spouse's infidelity.
I think I'm doing well, the H and I are getting along really well now. He had an affair, first via internet, and then in person, which I discovered when he took a "vacation alone" LOL in November. Cell phone bills showed the calls to OW for months, except the few days they were together on his "vacation". So I confronted him, and he said he would stop. Things were very tentative at first. I felt that if I said or did anything wrong he would pack his bags and leave. He even told me later that after a good trip together in December, he was planning to leave again in January. He kept saying we had problems that couldn't be solved. (What these are is still sketchy).
We did a Retrouvaille weekend in Jan. and follow-up sessions in Feb and March. That helped a lot. We continued with the dialoguing for a short while, but he always seemed to want to get out of doing the work. Still, if anything comes up that I want a serious discussion on, the books come out. No excuses.
So now we're good. The kids are all gone for the summer, so it's like we are newlyweds again. But the thought keeps after me. "He wanted her then, he'll always want her." I just keep focusing on the now. Gave him a nice Father's Day. He has been really upbeat since then. That was one of his big complaints -- that I didn't do anything special for Father's Day or his birthday last year. So this year (and all future years) have to be good.
But what gnaws at me is how well he hid the deception. All through last year he was nice to me. Often loving. It wasn't until he was really planning to leave me that he even gave off bad vibes around the house. So how do you know when they are distancing themselves?
I don't know, but I feel I have to go back to just trusting. Although maybe a little less trusting.
