Choc Credit card payment, $500. Nails - $52 Cellphone - $60 Hair (Choc. will pay for cut) Hair color Savings-0 Spending money Clothing and . . .and . . . BOTOX -- $240.
LFL unless she finds someone else to support her) and it certainly doesn't sound like OM can do it.
Choc, man what a crazy house situation you have.
I read your post last night about her spiral notebook budget and thought teenager in action. I rarely tell BB what people post but to counter some of BB's statements that most men are selfish, controlling, pigs, I told her about Mrs. Choc's latest actions and some of your history, about how you trusted her. I told her about the lack of affection you two had practiced.
BB asked a few questions about the forum, wondered why people would post such personal information. I explained I was in a group, fashioned like some AA/ACOA groups but we listened and offered advice and support to each other with in the group.
While explaining your situation and the group's function, I visualized what people normally do when in a stressful situation.
Mrs. Choc will probably tell several customers about her situation to relieve her stress.
OM#1 is the first person to hear her story in detail and respond to her. The problem with OM#1 is his limited financial resources and living at home.
Next I envisioned your W telling her troubles to other customers and telling it to a sympathetic potential OM#2 with some money to his name.
Mrs. Choc may not even think she could ever do an OM#2 situation but if her financial needs are great enough and she gets into a mode where she thinks she has to do something to get out of a bind, she might think she has no other choice than to accept what will be in her mind as "help" from whom ever will offer it.
I put myself in Mrs. Choc's place and thought what would I have to do to pay for things to maintain my lifestyle.
Cell Phone My opinion, no one should be allowed to become that addicted to a cell phone. If BB was acting like Mrs. Choc, I would tell Mrs. Choc the dryer event was an excuse to contact the OM and she is have an EA and to quit trying to cover it up and quit lying about her activities.
I would go as far as establishing some conditions when the cell phone can’t be used, or had to be used in the company of someone else.
Well, I am not Mrs. Choc so I could be all wet with the above situation.
My older sister was M to her H for almost 20 years when he left. My sister had 4 kids at home and many bills. She was always a SAHM till then. She tacked bills on the doorframe by the refrigerator, placing the highest priority bill at the top. She started cleaning housed and doing child care work. Some of her oldest kids helped her in various ways.
When her H left her, she didn't own a calculator so I bought her one. Using her “bills on the doorframe by the refrigerator” system and making drastic cuts and with her odd jobs she got through the mess.
Last year when I visited her, I saw she kept the thermostat around 58~60f. She does go to an exercise group almost everyday and she has a nice house and older car in good condition.
Her H's girl friend (OW) dumped her H after 20 years and he wanted to get back together with my sister (70). She is still in the same house and doesn't owe a thing to anyone.
My sister and her H were very religious.
Maybe TMI. Maybe nothing applies to your situation.
Interrrrresting theory, about OM#2. I hadn't thought of that in the context of her CURRENT FINANCIAL NEED, only that I have zero doubt that if she doesn't straight herself, and her issues, out that she's destined to a life of a series of these failed relationships. But you very well could be right
Take some clear fingernail polish and paint the battery contacts so the connection will not pass current. The phone will not turn on even when on the charger.
I suppose she doesn't let it out of her sight long enough for you to even do something like that childish prank.
I might be eligible for early social security but there is a ninth grader in me at times itching to act out.
RE: OM#2
I try make believe I am BB, LFL, LFL’s H, and everyone on this forum for just a little bit. I did that with Mrs. Choc’s situation and thought how could I get from where she is now to some other place.
Because many things in real life require $$$$, I went with a potential OM#2, because OM#1 doesn’t appear to have enough $$$ to keep the book character in “there was old woman,. Who lived in a shoe” clothed and fed. That is unless Mrs. Choc moves in with his parents.
BB and I started out living in an 8 X 40 trailer when first married, but that didn’t last long. I don’t see that happing in Mrs. Choc’s life.
But you very well could be right I would rather not be right choc. Just bringing it up because it takes money to do almost everything.
Choc be realistic and know that she is going to be desperate for financial stability. The assets and debts are a joint venture.
Its surprising that things have gotten this far without a turn around on her part. I think moving yourself out of the dog house position on the couch is the right thing to do.
What ever you do just do it with the utmost dignity and self respect.
You may want to make it clear to Mrs. Choc. that if things do go the D route, that you are only willing to pay for her hair cut up to and until the papers are signed.
And just to bring home the financial sting, if you want... you could print out what your monthly outflow is... put it in the... "here, this might help you start planning your new life..." I'm sure your W has not even considered costs like car insurance, health insurance, medical co-pays, oil changes, all the little 'repair' costs in life that always crop up... and you may want to tell her that even IF she gets alimony, it won't last forever (unless it does in your state).
I would definitely seek legal advice ASAP, and find out what the laws are in your state. I live in a 'no fault,' state, so regardless of the reason for the demise of the M, marital assests/debts are split 50/50. Alimony is determined by the discrepancy of income... how 'long' the alimony lasts is determined by the judge. Custody is almost always shared. Blatant abuse must be present in order for one parent to get full-custody.
Even in fault states like NY assets are usually split pretty much 50/50 by the judge (unless extreme fault circumstances) Cheating is just not much of an argument nowadays in court. So I'm not sure how much gathering "evidence" is really going to help. With the kids involved, the judge is probably going to do what is in their best interest and if that means joint custody with his W getting alimony so be it. Although even alimony nowadays is not what it used to be. If she has that full-time gym job on the way, she may just get child support payments. LFL
I know Lil. It is so weird. No mention of the basics like rent, insurance, food, etc. Just her appearance upkeep. I love how nails was number two on the list. Talk about out of touch with reality. (shakes head) LFL
