Now for an update. Had a "normal" weekend. Went to her mother's Saturday-2 1/2 hours away. Went to baseball game on Sunday. No arguments-but then again no emotional connections either. She is still distant with basically no affection showing. It seems as though she regrets the times that we would normally hug or kiss such as when one of us is leaving and she seems uncomfortable. I don't know where things got so bad. I guess it just is going to take time. I am having such a hard time being patient. It bothers me so much that we are at the point we are at right now. I have begun to obsess about our situation now. I don't know if it is a healthy obsession-as in I will do anything that needs to be done to make this work- or an unhealthy obsession-as in I cannot think of anything else and it is beginning to take over my life. I never have been the insecure person but hearing those words uttered by the one person that you truly love and care so much for has really done a number on me. I do not allow her to see me when I am down. If I find myself crashing when she around I just get up and move away from her. The only noticeable thing that she can see is that I have turned to God big time right now. I say that she can notice because I am reading in the Bible and praying alot more than I had in the past.
The other thing that I find frustrating is that although we are still living together, it is as if we are not based upon our different work schedules. She works second shift and often does not get home until about 1:00 am. There is absolutely no time during the week for us to spend any real quality time together. It is really difficult to try and build something back up when there is minimal time in order to do so. I don't understand where she is coming from at times-I don't let her know that, as I am busy validating her- but we go along okay for some time and then all of a sudden, out of the blue she tells me that she needs some space and she goes and stays at her friend's house. I wonder if there is another man, and I think that there probaly is. That is why she has been so slow to come back around. That would also explain the complete cessation of any intimacy. I know in the long run it does not matter and she is going to do whatever she wants, but it just seems that having someone else in the picture is going to make this so much harder to "fix".
On a positive note, she has not mentioned separation since last Sunday, 6/10. She also told me ILY yesterday. I have noticed a pattern with that recently. On Mondays, after spending the weekend together, she is less cold and often tells me ILY. Then another 5 days of being basically apart and we are back to cold again. I wonder if Michelle's article about spending time together is right on point here. I truly believe that the biggest reason for us growing apart is the fact that we do spend so little time together.
Anyway, thanks again for the support and I hope that things start to turn around for you guys.
